KNOXVILLE, Tenn. — Regal Cinemas CFO David Ownby asked his friend and HBO Max subscriber Richard Lansing yesterday to please share his HBO Max password following the announcement that several new Warner Bros. films would premiere via the streaming service.
“With all the fuss surrounding this pandemic business, it’s understandable that concessions need to be made. But we at Regal believe people should always be able to visit a brick-and-mortar movie theater whenever they want,” said Ownby. “Which is exactly why we asked my buddy Rich for his HBO login, so we can stream to all 7,000 screens across our 564 locations. Yeah, he may have to sign up for the premium plan to make this work, but we’ll just buy him a six pack of Bud Ice sometime and call it even.”
Lansing, however, is reluctant to share his personal login info with the national theater chain.
“Look, I’m usually pretty generous about letting my friends use my account if they just want to rewatch the first few seasons of ‘Game of Thrones’ or something, but this seems like it might violate those terms of service I agreed to without reading,” said Lansing. “I really want to be supportive, but if HBO catches on that I’m supplying a multi-billion dollar corporation with free cable, they might cancel my subscription. Also, I guess I could possibly get sued for fraud or copyright violation or whatever, and I doubt they’d let me watch the new season of ‘Westworld’ from solitary.”
Despite Lansing’s concerns, a representative from HBO assured there was no cause for alarm.
“Account sharing is actually essential to our business and is built into our profit margin. In reality, only about 3% of HBO Max viewers pay for their own subscription,” explained HBO’s P.R. Director Dennis Clanes. “Mr. Lansing doesn’t have to worry about having his account canceled, but judging from his watch history, he should be concerned about ‘Lovecraft Country’ getting renewed for a second season.”
At press time, Regal Cinemas texted Lansing asking for the exact spelling of his password and whether any letters were capitalized, and insisting he could totally use their Crackle account if he wanted.