IDLES is a bit of a controversial act in the post-punk scene. Some lambast them for being too preachy. Some dislike them because their political views are too “basic.” Some can’t be bothered by all of that discourse and would rather just appreciate an exciting band that actually seems interested in crafting bullet-proof soundscapes. Whatever side of the fence you fall on, we highly doubt anyone will be upset that we’re ranking their entire studio output of full-length records, so let’s get to it.
5. Crawler (2021)
While IDLES’ fourth album is certainly not devoid of ambition, much of the experimentation that defines the record struggles to stand on two legs. On the aptly titled effort, the band seems too timid to fully explore their newfound sonic ambitions and too stubborn to completely abandon their well-worn style. This results in a discontented soundscape that is only consistent in its wavering. It’s kind of like when you spent four years of college darting between majors only to land an Associate of Arts degree; it was an important experience for your overall growth, but ultimately not your most impressive asset.
Play It Again: “Car Crash”
Skip It: Yes, please
4. Ultra Mono (2020)
When crafting Ultra Mono, lead singer Joe Talbot wanted to present an overblown caricature of the band. A sort of purge of the most extreme conceptions and expectations of a punk outfit whose star was rapidly on the rise. For the most part, it shreds, but part of this cleansing process laid bare some of the group’s worst tendencies. The over-simplified politics on tracks like “Grounds” and the self-admitted classist undertones of “Model Village” helped to mark the band’s third full-length as one of their clumsiest. By attempting to lean hard into the lore the group had built by this point, they effectively undercut the humanity they had cultivated over their previous two records.
Play It Again: “Kill Them With Kindness”
Skip It: “Model Village”
3. Brutalism (2017)
Yeah, here we go. Right smack dab in the middle. A lot of you will argue that this is their best record, and we won’t blame you for that erroneous thought process. Brutalism is a front-to-back rager that helped solidify the band’s aesthetic while giving their live show the ammo it needed to catapult them into the proverbial stratosphere. Still, some of the group’s most uncomfortable subject matter exists within the runtime as Talbot wrestles with sobriety and his own toxic traits. While it certainly doesn’t undercut the record’s thematic importance, it can make for a tough listen at times.
Play It Again: “Well Done”
Skip It: “1049 Gotho”
2. Joy As An Act of Resistance (2018)
This album was such a breakthrough that it pretty much soundtracked an entire season of “Peaky Blinders.” Even though that show influenced some of your friend’s shittiest personality quirks and haircuts, it was still a pretty big accomplishment for a band to be featured within the series’ jarring modern score. There was a good reason for the sudden adoration. “Joy As An Act Of Resistance” is a nearly perfect record. Blending Stooges era punk rock with modern lyricism and an unrelenting sequence, the LP essentially cemented IDLES as a household name. Had the fat been trimmed just a bit, it would be unimpeachable.
Play It Again: “Television”
Skip It: “June” (but only because you’ve cried enough this week)
1. Tangk (2024)
No doubt everyone in the comments is going to have something to say about this one taking the top spot. Here’s the thing, though: Everyone knows that the people who are actively sending us death threats haven’t bothered to listen to the album. ‘Tangk’ is simultaneously the band’s most ambitious album and IDLES in their purest form. This is the pinnacle to which every other album has been building. Some will argue its instant success is due to its poppier sensibility and nothing more, to which we ask: “What pop music has ever sounded this chaotic and subversive?” Seriously, grow up.
Play It Again: It’s one of those ‘listen to the whole thing’ albums
Skip It: You would, you contrarian prick.
Mayor Richard Wilkins III, the seemingly benign but secretly sinister leader of Sunnydale, would publicly handle a shark attack with his charisma and dark humor. Behind the scenes, he’d manipulate the situation to further his own mysterious plans, leaving the citizens blissfully unaware of the true danger. Wilkins’ delight in chaos would ensure that the beaches remain open and probably be responsible for (or at least benefit from) citizens being eaten.
Mayor Wilson Fisk is more likely to see a shark attack as an opportunity for personal gain rather than a public safety issue. Fisk would leverage the shark attack to manipulate real estate values or eliminate rivals under the guise of public safety efforts. He probably put the shark in the water in the first place. Closing the beaches would only happen if it served his complex and often nefarious schemes. More likely, he’d declare the shark attack a hoax and continue his shady dealings, leaving the citizens to fend for themselves against the lurking threat.
Mayor Larry Kline, the corrupt, disgraced mayor of Hawkins from “Stranger Things,” would prioritize his own interests and those of his political allies over public safety. Kline would downplay or outright dismiss the shark attack to avoid any negative impact on his image. He might even go so far as to suppress information about the threat, ensuring the beaches stay open to keep tourism and commerce flowing. Kline’s actions would be driven by greed and a complete disregard for the well-being of the residents of Hawkins, making him one of the least likely mayors to take appropriate action in the face of danger. Let’s just be glad Indiana is landlocked.
Boss Hogg, the self-serving county commissioner of Hazzard County, would approach a shark attack with his usual blend of greed and disregard for public safety. Known for his shady dealings and schemes to enrich himself at the expense of others, Boss Hogg would exploit the situation for personal gain, even encouraging reckless behavior to maintain his control over the county. His response would be marked by absolute negligence, reflecting his cynical approach to governance and disregard for the safety of the community.
Mayor Tong, the mayor of Earth Kingdom town of Chin Village in “Avatar: The Last Airbender,” is known for his somewhat obstinate and tradition-bound leadership. When faced with a shark attack, his initial reaction would be to dismiss the threat outright. Mayor Tong’s reluctance to deviate from tradition and his skepticism towards new ideas would lead to a delayed and insufficient response. He might be swayed by public opinion or pressure from more proactive community members, but his initial hesitation would compromise the safety of the beaches. Ultimately, his decision to close the beaches would come too late.
“Diamond” Joe Quimby’s response to a shark attack would be a masterclass in political doublespeak and corruption. While he might initially promise to take decisive action, you can bet that behind the scenes, he’s accepting bribes from local businesses to keep the beaches open. The only thing more dangerous than the sharks might be Quimby’s slippery ethics. In the end, Quimby’s primary concern would be his own political survival, leaving the town’s safety a distant second.
Mayor Dwayne Milford, the eccentric and often befuddled mayor of “Twin Peaks,” would convene a town meeting at the Twin Peaks Town Hall to discuss the situation. He would listen attentively to the concerns of Twin Peaks’ residents and consider the potential impact on tourism, which plays a significant role in the town’s economy. However, Mayor Milford’s indecisiveness and tendency to get distracted by local gossip and trivial matters would delay immediate action leaving the window open for more citizens to be attacked. The FBI would have to be called in to handle the situation.
Mayor Roland Schitt, the laid-back and clueless mayor of Schitt’s Creek, would handle a shark attack with a blend of nonchalance and lack of foresight. Known for his casual approach to governance and tendency to prioritize his own comfort and convenience, Roland would initially dismiss the shark sightings as overblown rumors. His reluctance to take swift action would stem from a mix of laziness and a desire to avoid any hassle that could disrupt the town’s daily life. However, with enough urging from the townspeople, Roland might begrudgingly agree to close the beaches. Even then, his efforts would probably be half-hearted and poorly communicated, reflecting his general lack of enthusiasm for serious leadership duties.
Mayor Lenny Klotch, the easily swayed mayor of New York City in the Ghostbusters universe, would approach a shark attack with a mix of skepticism and political calculation. Known for his reliance on public opinion and media coverage, Klotch would hesitate to close the beaches immediately, fearing backlash and negative press. He would initially downplay the threat of the shark, hoping to avoid panic and maintain the city’s reputation as a safe destination. However, faced with mounting evidence and public concern, he would eventually agree to a compromise, such as increased beach patrols and safety measures, rather than a full closure.
Mayor Carcetti, the ambitious and politically savvy leader of Baltimore, would find himself in a difficult position when faced with a shark attack. On one hand, his public image as a reformer would compel him to prioritize public safety and close the beaches. On the other hand, Carcetti’s constant eye on his political future might make him hesitant to disrupt the local economy. He’d call for a series of bureaucratic commissions and expert panels to deliberate the issue, ultimately deciding to close the beaches—but only after exhausting all possible political capital and ensuring maximum media coverage to boost his profile.
The Mayor of Halloweentown, with his two-faced personality and perpetual state of mild panic, would have a hard time making a definitive decision about closing the beaches. While one side of him would be in a frenzy, shouting about the dangers of the shark and the need for immediate action, the other side would be overly optimistic, possibly seeing the shark attack as an opportunity to make Halloweentown even more macabre.
The Mayor of Munchkin City would respond to a shark attack with a mixture of concern for his fellow Munchkins and a desire to maintain harmony. Known for his diplomatic skills, the Mayor would convene an emergency meeting in the Munchkin City Hall, accompanied by a lively discussion among the Lollipop Guild and other Munchkin representatives. He would weigh the potential risks of keeping the beaches open against the economic impact, which thrives on tourism from visitors to the Land of Oz. Ultimately, his decision to close the beaches would hinge on balancing safety concerns with the whimsical spirit of Oz, ensuring that Munchkinland remains a vibrant and secure community amidst the wonders of the magical realm.
Mayor Lewis, the amiable and absent-minded mayor of Stardew Valley, would likely approach a shark attack with a mix of concern for public safety and a desire to maintain the town’s tranquil atmosphere. While he values the well-being of the community, his tendency to prioritize the town’s festivals and events might delay immediate action. His commitment to the townspeople and his sense of duty would lead him to make the cautious decision to close the beaches, ensuring everyone’s safety while trying to avoid causing unnecessary panic. However, he might also use the opportunity to plan a “Shark Day” event; complete with educational booths and a fishing contest to try and catch the beast.
Burgermeister Meisterburger, the grumpy and authoritarian leader of Sombertown, would respond to a shark attack as another opportunity to exert his control over the town. Instead of closing the beaches for safety reasons, he would decree that swimming is now illegal altogether, citing the danger of aquatic creatures as a reason to further restrict the town’s happy activities. Meisterburger would assign his bumbling henchmen, the Kringles, to patrol the shores and ensure compliance with his draconian rules. While other mayors may prioritize safety and community welfare, Meisterburger’s rigid adherence to authority would ensure that the beaches remain closed—and joyless—under his eye.
The Mayor of Townsville, a bumbling but well-meaning official, would respond swiftly to a shark attack with genuine concern for the safety of Townsville’s citizens. Known for his dramatic flair and tendency to overreact to emergencies, the Mayor would call an immediate press conference, urging everyone to stay calm while emphasizing the severity of the situation. He would declare a temporary closure of the beaches, accompanied by a series of overly dramatic public service announcements featuring himself and the Powerpuff Girls. Despite his occasional clumsiness, the Mayor’s dedication to protecting Townsville from harm would ultimately prevail, ensuring that beachgoers are safe from shark attacks.
Mayor “Goldie” Wilson, with his optimistic catchphrase “Progress is His Middle Name,” would approach a shark attack with a blend of caution and can-do spirit. As a progressive leader aiming to improve Hill Valley, he’d close the beaches, but not without first delivering a rousing speech about safety and community. Wilson’s primary concern would be ensuring the well-being of his constituents, and he’d implement a plan to both deal with the shark and reassure the public that Hill Valley’s beaches will be safer than ever. However, his tendency to see the bright side of everything might delay immediate action by just a smidge.
Mayor Sam Booth, the kindly and well-meaning mayor of Cabot Cove from “Murder, She Wrote,” would approach a shark attack with a genuine concern for the safety of his townsfolk. Mayor Booth would take the threat seriously, consulting with experts and law enforcement to assess the situation. Encouraged by his friend Jessica Fletcher’s logical persuasion, Booth’s actions would reflect his commitment to safeguarding Cabot Cove, even if it means making difficult decisions for the greater economic good.
Mayor McCheese would prioritize the safety of McDonaldland’s whimsical citizens first and foremost. Known for his good-hearted leadership and commitment to the well-being of the community, McCheese would close the beaches promptly after a shark attack, possibly after a brief consultation with Ronald McDonald – who, we all know, is the true power behind the throne. With his entire head being made of a cheeseburger, the threat of being consumed (be it by shark or human) would be an ever-looming existential threat for the mayor.
Mayor Bob White, the affable and community-oriented mayor of Bluffington in the animated series Doug, would approach a shark attack with a focus on ensuring the safety and well-being of his town’s residents. Known for his dedication to public service and his friendly demeanor, Mayor White would respond swiftly to the threat posed by the shark, prioritizing public safety above all else. His decisive action to close the beaches would demonstrate his leadership and dedication to protecting the interests of Bluffington’s citizens during times of crisis.
Mayor Mike Haggar, the tough and no-nonsense mayor of Metro City in the Final Fight video game series, would approach a shark attack with resolve and dedication to public safety. Known for his background as a former professional wrestler and his hands-on approach to crime-fighting, Haggar would view the shark attack as a serious threat to the citizens of Metro City. He would mobilize the Metro City Police Department and organize emergency response teams to assess the situation and ensure swift action and hunt the shark down. He may even attempt to fight the shark himself. His decisive action to close the beaches would demonstrate his leadership and determination to maintain order and security in Metro City – although some might see his actions as authoritarian and heavy-handed.
Mayor H.R. Pufnstuf, the friendly and caring mayor of Living Island, would almost certainly prioritize the safety of his whimsical constituents. Given his track record of helping his friends out of tight spots and his generally protective nature, Pufnstuf would close the beaches immediately after a shark attack to ensure no one gets hurt. He’d organize a community meeting with his magical friends to come up with a solution, possibly involving a musical number to raise spirits and educate everyone on beach safety. His commitment to the well-being of Living Island’s residents makes him a highly responsible leader in times of crisis.
Mayor Enta, the wise and compassionate leader of Hearthome City in the Pokemon world, would prioritize the safety and well-being of his town’s residents above all else. Known for his deep connection to nature and the sea, Mayor Enta would respond swiftly and decisively to a shark attack, immediately closing the beaches to ensure that trainers, locals, and Pokemon alike are protected from harm. He would gather the community and issue a heartfelt plea for everyone to exercise caution and respect the ocean’s creatures. Mayor Enta’s leadership would be marked by empathy and a profound understanding of the delicate balance between humans and Pokemon in their coastal habitat.
Front Bottoms fans freely admit the music sucks, but they’re probably not joking about this particular record. Although “Going Grey” is a solid effort overall, its over-polished production and repetitive song structures are at odds with TFB’s usual scruffiness and dynamism. The cleaner vocals throughout often fall flat, since Brian’s singing is best when he embraces his complete inability to sing. However, for all the online bitching, this album is replete with the group’s signature wry charms, and many of the tracks have become setlist staples. You can bet that the people who still make angry posts about “Going Grey” on Reddit are also singing along to every word of those songs at shows.
“Theresa” is the third entry in the beloved “Grandma Series” of EPs, where the boys release studio versions of select songs from their pre-label albums (which, get the fuck out of here, we are not ranking), and each one is named after the band’s grandmothers. This is the weakest of those EPs so far, but it still slaps harder than our grandmas slapped our parents growing up. Putting this fantastic record so low hurts me more than it hurts you, but the other two Grandma EPs have six tracks apiece, including one new song for both, while “Theresa” doesn’t have a cool new bonus song. Grandmas shouldn’t skimp on cookies or EP tracks — that’s a slappable offense.
Here we have the Front Butts’ latest dropping — er, album drop. As always, the band shifts their style up without sacrificing the impressionistic storytelling and unpretentious vulnerability that made them darlings of the fourth-wave emo era (whatever the fuck that is). Brian dials up the Auto-Tune past 11 to “DANGER: T-PAIN” levels at times here, including in the jarring opening track “Emotional,” which foreshadows both the bold innovations and old comforts that await. This is their weirdest release, and though it’s not their absolute strongest, it proves they can keep things fresh and freaky. But even in their more eclectic incarnation today, these Jersey boys are still making some of the best Midwest emo music.
Reader, I am not even looking up the years for all these releases, even the piddly little EPs, because “TFB facts” takes up room in my brain over things like “mom’s birth year.” Is that sad? I hope it is sad, and I hope you like sad, because sad is what you’re getting with this deliciously dreary Grandma EP, which offers hazy reimaginings of among their best pre-label songs. “Ann” is notable for its distinct stylistic departure, with its washed-out, almost shoegaze atmosphere that seemed to signal an exciting new direction for the band, except that they never bothered to try it again.
During those desperate early COVID days, Front Bottoms fans were starving for new music. A fuckin’ Christian rock album would have sufficed (though one can easily imagine Brian talk-singing some shit like “I’m a communion wafer, that you dropped on the floor last summer…turns out we both need JEeeeSus”). Thankfully, the boys made an exceptional, godless record that somehow pleased everybody (except people with actual good taste in music). “In Sickness” showcased the band’s heightened sophistication both sonically and lyrically, including profundities such as “Yeah I know that I look like a jerk, like a jerk” repeated literally 16 times in one song. Ultimately, TFB proved they could successfully bring their sound into a more mature phase, at least to the extent possible for a group who based their name on a British euphemism for “vagina.”
Depending on who you ask, “Back on Top” either falls under “classic” Front Bottoms territory, or it’s the point where they sold out by graduating past “New Jersey basement band” status. But c’mon, Brian was about 26 when making this record, so he was probably losing his parents’ health insurance while being in a motorcycle gang, eschewing the concept of jobs, and having a self-destructive meltdown (that is, if we take his lyrics here at face value, which we should). So, you can’t get mad at Brian (aka Steven) for selling out, especially since the result was this wonderfully boisterous album that marked a more polished and expansive pivot for the band. Distinguished by an irresistible buoyancy, plus many of their catchiest hooks and most memorable TFB-isms, “Back on Top” is something you can enjoy while dancing, sobbing, fucking, and/or cruising down the Garden State Parkway. We’d call it a classic.
And now we have an undisputed classic, because this is when only 0.001% of people had still ever heard of the Front Bottoms, versus the intolerable 0.0013% after they signed to Fueled by Ramen. It’s also universally beloved because every song on this sprightly EP, the first in the Grandma Series, is just so damn good (you could even say “so cool” or “SO punk.”). Maybe it’s just the obsessive fanbase, but it’s amazing how TFB’s EPs are just as popular as their main offerings, often even more so. “Rose” is a folk punk masterwork that has stood the test of time — unlike grandmas, who time will always beat in the end.
Look, roughly half the fanbase thinks this should be first, while the other half would put self-titled (or the “Noodle Monster” YouTube video). Ranking this at number two was indeed a tough choice, but make no mistake — this album fucks. Brian and Mat channel their folk punk and emo roots into a louder, more anthemic mode, revealing their ambition to be a Band That Matters. With high-flying tracks like the superlatively popular “Twin Sized Mattress,” you can tell they’re swinging for the fences on this one (albeit in a kind of Little League fashion, given the niche domain of music we’re dealing with here). “Talon” perhaps best exemplifies the contradictions and contrasting qualities that drive TFB’s magnetism: upbeat misery, abject goofiness mixed with gut-wrenching sincerity, and a broad narrative scope that appeals to youths and adults alike. It’s OK to be a fan of theirs over 30…right?
TFB’s true strength lies in their intimacy. Their music feels like late-night conversations with friends, especially when they’re about the crossroads we face in love, work, school, or deciding whether to take another edible. This special quality is conveyed most intensely in the band’s self-titled studio debut. They had yet to transcend their Jersey confines, but that hunger and rawness underpins the album’s potency. And like a good edible, its deceitfully simple surface masks its potential to completely fuck you up. Uncomplicated acoustic arrangements and poorly played trumpets might not sound great on paper, and it definitely doesn’t sound good in reality…for most. But for certain sad souls who can hear the record’s genius hidden in dog-whistle frequencies, this hallowed soundtrack of woundedness penetrates the deepest recesses of our silly little hearts.
Contrary to how he’s represented in the media, Mayhem is actually a caring husband who loves his wife deeply and would be pretty bummed to see her in a coma. Mayhem would spend as much time as he could reading to his wife, going through old photos, and talking about the good times they shared together. This rough ‘n’ tumble mascot wouldn’t pull the plug on his comatose wife at all, letting her reach a natural conclusion instead.
You know that guy on your block who just goes back inside his house after witnessing a hit and run? That pretty much sums up the original Allstate guy. This smooth-talking staple of insurance advertising has a simple mantra: mind your damn business. That’s why when his wife falls comatose, he’ll simply let it be and keep doing his thing, like the cool cat he is.
Everyone’s favorite bright-eyed and bushy-tailed neighborhood girl has actually been thinking about taking a human life for a while – but given her stature in the media, she obviously has to play it cool. After a well-crafted PR campaign where she somberly talks about the benefits of Progressive life insurance, Flo will have an ’oopsie-daisies’ and pull that plug so hard it snaps.
Everyone remembers Erin Esurance, right? The Esurance special agent mascot from the early 2000s who was taken off air because teenagers on 4chan kept making really weird art of her? Well, she settled down following her departure from the public eye, but found herself missing the adrenaline rush of covert insurance operations. She’ll find it very hard to resist pulling that plug and making a daring escape in the middle of the night.
If you know anything about ducks it’s that they’re some of nature’s most loyal creatures. But in the insurance game, tough business decisions have to be made. Within two weeks, the Aflac Duck is pulling the plug and cashing that life insurance check.
Despite his put-together demeanor, Professor Burke has actually been cheating on his wife with a rotating cast of sex workers since they’ve been married. He’ll probably see this situation as the perfect opportunity to avoid a messy divorce and move to Thailand for a fresh start.
Snoopy has proven time and time again that he really doesn’t give a shit about anyone but himself (and maybe that stupid bird-for-brains he hangs around). He’d pull the plug as soon as it becomes a minor inconvenience that disrupts his napping schedule.
Since that Gecko entered the picture, the Caveman has spent his free time browsing “soy-based medicine” recipes and talking about George Soros a lot online. He’d insist that life support actually weakens the body’s immune system and pull the plug while blaming the doctor’s “toxic chakras and shit”.
Lying behind Jake’s signature khakis is an insatiable thirst to take part in human suffering. Ever since Cool Jake got to go to the Kids’ Choice Awards, this one has struggled with intrusive thoughts of sadism. That’s why he plans to edge himself by slowly pulling the plug in and out of the wall until completion.
This suave newcomer to the insurance scene believes in beauty through chaos. He wants to watch the world burn and always has some kerosene tucked away in his emu pouch. He’ll pull the plug without hesitation, but could be delayed because he doesn’t have hands.
Doug has no spine and blindly follows where LiMu Emu leads. LiMu Emu could walk this guy around hot pavement on a leash and he’d kiss his clawed feet. As the old saying goes, “If LiMu Emu pulls the plug, the next to follow is Mister Doug”.
The Gecko doesn’t have bad intentions. However, this is a creature who loves his naughty little games. After the first few days, Gecko might think he can get a few laughs by pretending to pull the plug. Unfortunately, the plug will likely get stuck to his webbed fingers and slip out of the outlet in a freak accident of sorts. He won’t be very pleased with this outcome, but he also won’t have a grieving period of more than a few weeks before he’s back to his usual yapping about bundling home and auto.
When someone blows up as quickly as the new Jake From State Farm, they begin to lose patience in other areas of life. After just over an hour of sitting on his phone in the ICU, Jake will want to get on with his life so he can start dating a WNBA star or something.
While Flo’s newest sidekick isn’t as death-obsessed as she is, that doesn’t mean the plug isn’t coming out. Jamie’s a young guy who isn’t done living out the wild years of his youth, and this party animal would much rather be doing poppers behind T.J. Maxx than sitting in a boring hospital. He’ll make sure this whole ordeal is over before the molly kicks in.
The General doesn’t quite view the value of life the same since that summer in Cambodia. Pulling the plug on his wife of 50 years would come just as naturally as chewing gum for this seasoned mascot.