Lately it seems the world is increasingly full of self-righteous dickheads dropping subtle hints as to how I should live my life. Whether it be…
We all know the feeling: you’re sitting down with a big, sloppy chicken parm sandwich to revisit an old episode of Chopped when the commercials…
WASHINGTON — Top Democratic decision-makers are reportedly doing damage control after President Biden confessed to multiple murders on a hot mic after another damaging public…
PUEBLO, Colo. – Local downer Henry Bergen recently stopped going through the motions of pretending to wash his hands after using the bathroom, according to…
PROVIDENCE, R.I. – Local moron Griff Bradshaw made frequent frustrated attempts to gain entry to the venue bathroom you were, unity recently, peacefully defecating in,…
NEW YORK — Local punks using the bathroom of a supposed dive bar felt betrayed when they realized they could see themselves perfectly in the…
WHEELING, W. VA — Aging punk roommate Dennis “Onion” Wilkins ritualistically bequeathed the key that allows them to steal toilet paper from Wendy’s to his…
Salutations and tip of my cap, officers of the Sunnybay Police Department. You don’t know me, not yet, but you are familiar with my work.…
HARRISBURG, Penn. — Local human disaster Jason Melvin recently managed to pull a complete 180 in every aspect of his previously pointless existence with the…