PUEBLO, Colo. – Local downer Henry Bergen recently stopped going through the motions of pretending to wash his hands after using the bathroom, according to…
PROVIDENCE, R.I. – Local moron Griff Bradshaw made frequent frustrated attempts to gain entry to the venue bathroom you were, unity recently, peacefully defecating in,…
NEW YORK — Local punks using the bathroom of a supposed dive bar felt betrayed when they realized they could see themselves perfectly in the…
WHEELING, W. VA — Aging punk roommate Dennis “Onion” Wilkins ritualistically bequeathed the key that allows them to steal toilet paper from Wendy’s to his…
Salutations and tip of my cap, officers of the Sunnybay Police Department. You don’t know me, not yet, but you are familiar with my work.…
HARRISBURG, Penn. — Local human disaster Jason Melvin recently managed to pull a complete 180 in every aspect of his previously pointless existence with the…
BREWSTER, N.Y. — Local parent and lifelong Republican Shane Holmes expressed concerns over the dangers his child faces in the event that she might be…
Parenting is a lifelong journey, and every day brings new challenges. I just try to do what’s best for my babies. Sure, I made some…
BETHESDA, Md. — Dr. Anthony Fauci, director of the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Disease, recently gave approval for venues to continue the common…
BELLINGHAM, Wash. — Local punk house cat The Little Guy is reportedly furious at the return of house shows to the area and the loud,…
NORTH HALEDON, N.J. — Local man and filthy roommate Mickey Bedford was caught running the sink for a few short seconds on Tuesday evening in…