DETROIT — Aging rocker Perry Dunn, frontman for the seminal hair metal band Töpsy Türvy, left his rented room at the luxurious Shinola Hotel pristine…
PORTLAND, Maine. — Local woman Dani Pineda has desperately hidden her humanity from her live-in boyfriend Aaron Adams by not shitting at all for the…
CHICAGO — Local woman Lilly Choi’s depression has devolved to the point that she has stopped looking behind the shower curtain for murderers before going…
BROOKLYN — Quarantined punk Lex Sykes took to his own bathroom last week to practice his vandalism skills due to the ongoing closures of bars…
NEW YORK — Quarantined high school bully Evan Maddox, under stay-at-home orders for the past three weeks, gave himself swirlies yesterday out of desperation, amused…
LINCOLN, Neb. — After being laid off from his job at a regional cardboard box supply company last week, local gamer Dale Lowry has reportedly…
TOKYO — Popular manga Brave Fighter’s Journey was recently put on hiatus by its publisher as writer and artist Okobo Toshiro took a brief break…
BERKELEY, Calif. — Traveling gutter punk-turned inspirational teacher Marcus “Guru Hoagie” Sanders is directing followers worldwide to treat their bodies as if they were a…
LOS ANGELES — Local showgoer Hannah Bishop left Tower Bar’s only bathroom late last night in a state many witnesses described as “irreparably fouled,” grossed-out…
FORT WAYNE, Ind. — Amateur GG Allin impersonator, and introverted man that has no business being on any stage, Logan Ethridge insisted he was unable…
TACOMA, Wash. — Local music fan Don Glenswig was elated last night to discover a long line for the bathroom in which to waste time…
AUGUSTA, Maine — A gender neutral bathroom at local, all ages DIY punk venue Ramparts is reportedly covered from floor to ceiling in alarmingly racist…
ROCHESTER, N.Y. — Local showgoer Alex Andrade ventured off to the restroom last night in hopes of finding a toilet seat that “felt just right,…
DENVER — Local retail worker Carson Patterson earned himself a luxurious, three-minute paid vacation for Labor Day by faking a shit-break, awe-inspired sources confirm. “It…
With a 114-minute running time and questionable buzz in advance of its release, you might be wondering whether you’ll have time to go relieve yourself…