Ramones. That’s the tweet. Sire Records formed almost sixty, yes, SIXTY years ago and is still active! Wow, what a difference! Anyway, we attempt to list the ten most underrated Sire Records albums in alphabetical order for your verbal and strangely unique pleasure. No bands are included that are, as they say in WWE, “over,” but you miscreants and general practitioners may deem some “overrated”; that is your prerogative. If you’re reading this out loud, you’re strange but you likely know of Sire’s “punk rock cred,” despite and in spite of the fact that they were acquired by a major label that rhymes with “Forner.” Dead boys talk about heads, so don’t echo the singular bunnyman, and not “men,” no no no. Basically, the kids are united AND divided, and should all kiss roses in Batman movies with Sunny Day Real Estate.
Armor For Sleep “Smile For Them” (2007)
Even though this is the band’s worst album, it is still better than your middle school band’s EP that caused literally no one to smile for them. The band’s lone major label effort may have been divisive with their fan base, but as the kids say, there are lots of bops on it, including the stadium soundtrack banger known as “End of the World”. Apparently this album took a lot of trials, errors, more trials, and tribulations to create, but machines are meant to be broken… and easily fixed by Armor For Sleep. The guitars that sound like spaceships epically open the album with its next best song, the almost title track, “Smile for the Camera”; Rick Moranis should and would be proud.
Belly “Star” (1993)
Rhode Island rarely gets repped publicly but the state does produce very fine bands, one of them being Belly. What do you get when you add one breeder to the hysteria laden main character in Charlton Heston’s epic non-sarcastically awesome “The Ten Commandments”? Well, you can acquire a nice helping of Tanya Donelly, a colorful letter “L” and numbered “7” Greenwood, a soon to be exiting Abong, and a few freaking Gormans high and low. Lavender purple syrup is sweet AF, but low red moons are savory for the kids… Belly even shows a white belly untogether here! Whatever folks, just stay in that sad dress.
Destroy Rebuild Until God Shows “D.R.U.G.S.” (2011)
We are not going to go into the lore as to why many believe this record came and went quickly, but it’s impossible to deny that this full-length studio album is an almost perfect mall screamo LP, and we aren’t taking any more questions on the matter. Mr. Owel, Craig Owens, may be back in Chiodos now, but this project came in the wake of his firing, and while he sure showed ‘em that he could exist sans the other 175 members of Chiodos, sadly there wasn’t any staying power with the illicit substances rock and roll/Warped Tour supergroup which then included members of Matchbook Romance, Underminded, From First To Last, and Story of the Year. Thankfully drugs are back, and thankfully they’re bad for you.
Eisley “The Valley” (2011)
Scene-adjacent band Eisley rival some of the best in the biz with their exceptional harmonies and melodic sensibilities, but for one reason or more, the band and this album (“The Valley”) in particular didn’t break through the mainstream; sad. We wish that better love and general kind behavior was spread globally via Eisley’s tunes, but we know that Haley Joel Osment digs the band, so we guess that that is enough. By the way, that is not a joke despite being on brand. So take back Sunday, say anything that your heart desires, and your new found glory will send an ambulance to one in need. Also, despite what you may think, Eisley is NOT a Christian band but they ARE both Christian and “Star Wars” aficionados, which makes a lot of sense as Jesus and a storm trooper have a lot in common besides the obvious; duh, dorks.
Foxy Shazam “Self-Titled” (2010)
The frenetic and fun warriors known as Foxy Shazam combined Queen and The Venetia Fair in an extremely glorious way, and created one of the better self-titled albums of all time. Opening with a dog barking and a few vibrant spoken words is quite “the” move, but Foxy Shazam likes to make you move it move it, they like to move it move it. Producer John Feldmann is known more for bands like The Used, 5 Seconds of Summer, Goldfinger, and Tevye’s solo EP post-“Fiddler on the Roof” than FS and we’re here to change that stat! Plus, the fact that “Unstoppable” isn’t played during the NBA Finals is a travesty and so our evil thoughts blame the suits! FYI: The album’s sequel “The Church Of Rock And Roll” owns too, but it wasn’t a Sire Records LP.
Harvey Danger “King James Version” (2000)
Most people who are neither sick nor well know Harvey Danger’s megahit “Flagpole Sitta,” but it’s rare to read a publication as prestigious as ours namecheck the band’s biblical LP “King James Version.” If you like your ‘90s alt rock with a nugget of New York Dolls swagger, this LP is for you, and if you don’t, what the hell are you doing here and where have all the merrymakers gone? Seattle should eternally be proud of the danger for their authenticity, loyalty buildings, underground musings of missing the point completely and 1997’s Carlotta Valdez. Most slept on this release, and that’s silly like a silly Sally as it wakes us up every Thursday morning to notify our household that street sweeping is occurring at 8 a.m. till 10 a.m.; don’t get a ticket, fools, and move that ish. It’s just the same as being in love.
Hot Hot Heat “Elevator” (2005)
No jokes – fact: The tune “Bandages” may have introduced you, me, and everyone we know to Victoria, British Columbia, Canada’s Hot Hot Heat, but “Elevator,” HHH’s major label debut and first of two LPs for Sire Records, is just so much better as a whole, and even people in the middle of nowhere wholeheartedly agree unless they don’t. Hot Hot Heat formed in 1999 and over the course of the next seventeen years released five consistently awesome full-lengths but none as solid as “Elevator”; Steven Tyler would be proud even without the love and the hairspray. You are my only girl but you’re not my only is a thing of the past and “Elevator” is as well, but it’s also for the children and the future.
Less Than Jake “In With The Out Crowd”
There was a time during the aughts when ska bands legally had to put down their horns or they’d face the wrath of the general public/private investors and few did it as well as Less Than Jake did it on “In With The Out Crowd”. Sadly, most LTJ super fans and regular pedestrians did not agree… We are here to change that, as “In With The Out Crowd” could never be an overrated LP to anyone anywhere anytime! Unless Less Than Jake was granted permission to be released from their contract, this album, the band’s second of two major label releases for Sire, is likely what got the band dropped. Fun fact: The band released their two crowd favorite LPs, “Losing Streak” and “Hello Rockview” via Capitol Records the century prior, so like Jimmy Eat World, Capitol had ‘em in the ‘90s, and another conglomerate did in the ‘00s.
The Spill Canvas “No Really, I’m Fine” (2007)
Maybe the most successful release here, Sioux Falls, South Dakota’s The Spill Canvas’ best LP “No Really, I’m Fine” did well whilst maintaining permanent underrated status. Appearing on the Billboard 200 is a badass stat for any band, but we still are saddened that “No Really, I’m Fine” debuted at a paltry meh 143 on said chart, and left quickly after. Still, the band likely plays several songs from this record at every show. Mainstream non-scene acts like Switchfoot and Goo Goo Dolls took TSC on tour a few years after this dropped, and if that doesn’t dare you to move with Iris, we don’t know what will! Dig into the band’s catalog for all of the feels, including curling yourself into a ball in the corner of your bedroom, and attempt to smile (for them).
The Von Bondies “Pawn Shoppe Heart” (2004)
Jack White’s wrath… That’s the tweet!
Yes, wolves tend to live in caves, but that’s just for protection from the outside world. Wolves like wide open spaces, roaming freely and majestically around the open forest is sort of their whole thing. Combine that with a teenager’s natural resistance to following careful instruction and their innate jumpiness in uncomfortable or claustrophobic situations and we can be pretty confident that this scenario only ends with Teen Wolf dead in a subaquatic cavern somewhere.
This one may initially be surprising as both wolves and teens generally appear to do quite well on ice in the wild. The key here being that this is vertical ice – big difference to Teen Wolf. Even though it does technically have opposable thumbs, there are way too complex of tools being used on this sport.
The only advantage that Teen Wolf has when it comes to white water rafting is that this is where every suburban teens dad made their family go for vacation one year and it’s the one vacation that all of those families still refuse to mention in polite conversation. At least in that instance he’ll have some prior experience.
Okay, look, we could only really name like a dozen or so X-Games sports off the top of our head, so we grabbed a whole bunch more off some list we found on line – and pole vaulting is one of the things that was on that list. Yeah, we don’t get it either. But we do trust that Teen Wolf would suck eggs at it. I mean have you ever met anyone that pole vaulted?
Zorbing actually looks pretty fun, but in the context of this list it sort of seems like animal cruelty. Imagine putting a labrador retriever in a big, semi-transparent ball and then tossing it over the edge of a gorge – not a good look. Teen Wolf is only part wolf, but we think it’s enough to still piss off PETA.
Highlining is basically slacklining except in at an altitude that if you fuck up you die. Teen Wolf certainly has expert balance but, frankly, we don’t understand how any creature is accomplished at this obvious death wish of a hobby.
Teen Wolf may be fearless and a daredevil, but somehow we just don’t buy him being able to properly fold and pack a parachute in working order.
There are a fewschools of BMX, there are the dirt tracks where people race in full gear, there is dirt jumping, half pipe, even street BMX. Unfortunately Teen Wolf sucks at them all, his weight distribution is all weird and for some reason he’s really afraid of knocking all his teeth out on his handlebars.
Similar to base jumping, but with the added element of having a kickass bat-gliding costume to tool around the skies in. This means our Teen Wolf will be able to at least be able to do some sick aerial moves before realizing his reserve chute is tangled in a mass of unkempt back fur.
This one really should be higher. Like, a werewolf would obviously dominate any fight club anywhere. But a Teen Wolf is actually kind of a pacifist wuss. So we’re giving this one a middle of the road position for natural ability, but we guess not for natural spirit.
What even is this sport besides just being in nature and going up? Yeah, Teen Wolf would be fine at that. Like, almost anyone would be fine at that.
It seems like whenever we picture Teen Wolf in our heads the soundtrack to a ’90s N64 jet ski video game starts playing automatically. So at the very least this sport is definitely the right aesthetic for our guy here.
The hardest part of this one is getting those wolf paws to properly strap into the goddamn board. Have you ever tried dealing with those fuckass boots that are supposed to lock into it? Never fucking work right.
The mountain luge is well within Teen Wolf’s natural ability. However, it would be his inability to not go “WEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!” while coasting down a mountainside, thus eradicating his outer cool demeanor, that places this one in the middle of this list.
Once again, it’s just jumping off a thing and not dying. Anyone can do this, wolves of any age notwithstanding.
We spent a frankly embarrassingly long time going down a Google rabbit hole for the phrase “werewolf beach party movie” and we just want to say that this is a genre that has apparently been sorely neglected. Anyways, Teen Wolf can surf on top of a van, we’re pretty sure he’ll kill it on some gnarly waves as well.
Don’t try to act like this isn’t another one of the ones we found on some “extreme sports” list online and just kind of went “yeah, that’ll work.” Really you should be more intrigued as to why we decided to rank it this high. We’re actually not gonna tell you – you do your own Teen Wolf critical thinking on this one.
He’s got the speed and he’s got the reflexes. The only flaw for motocross is that Teen Wolf would constantly be stopping his bike to roll his back around on some neat dirt clods he found. You might be saying “Wait, if he’s good at this how can he suck at BMX?” Simple, he doesn’t have to pedal a dirtbike.
Parkour seems to be more about looking good in TikTok videos than it does much actual physical acumen. Still though, Teen Wolf was in that one school play – so we know he can act in front of an audience.
You might not know this, but Teen Wolf was actually a very good rollerblader as a preteen. Unfortunately he grew up in a time rollerblading was seen as “uncool” and kept this secret talent under wraps. But lately he’s busted out his old pair of Roces and took out his old collection of “Daily Bread” magazine from his attic.
We’re sure Air Bud already did this in one of the sequels. Lame, but at least we have precedent.
So, it’s basically the Westminster Dog Show obstacle course if they built it in a swamp? As long as he gets a “good job” treat at the end (which for a Teen Wolf we’re guessing is an entire Little Caesars pizza covered in man-blood) he’ll have no issue with getting down in the mud.
Teen Wolf has always taken to skateboarding, he’s been doing it for a long time but still gets frustrated by the fact he can’t do nollie flips, but here’s the thing, he has great nollie tre flips. If you see Teen Wolf doing some flatground skating you best just keep walking, he might get pissed off and tear you to shreds.
Same thing as motocross for this one, but we figured a natural quadruped would do better on four wheels than two. Plus, the “all-terrain” aspect gets some tough mudder in here as well. Man, he would crush this.
If there’s one thing we all know about Teen Wolf it’s that he is the most radical dude there ever was. And jetboarding is by far the most radical extreme sport there is. Just the name on its own, “jetboarding,” sounds like every other extreme sport combined into one. It takes balance, speed, coordination, not being afraid of smelling like a dog, and most likely wicked cool Ray Ban sunglasses. These are all classic examples of Teen Wolf charm. Finally we find what the wolf would be best at.
