Well, it’s been a long and particularly depressing winter, and it started to feel like it would never end, but wouldn’t you know it, spring…
If you read the news like me, it’s easy to stress about the future. The rich get richer and the poor are getting poorer. Fascist,…
WASHINGTON — President Joe Biden was reportedly startled late last night after he was unexpectedly visited by his own ghost, concerned aides confirmed. “Listen up…
NEW YORK — Hip hop mogul Jay-Z discreetly paid off Luigi Mangione’s early court costs as a sign of appreciation to the suspected assassin for…
TALLAHASSEE, Fla. — Former Florida representative Matt Gaetz informed his girlfriend Valentina he will be able to go to her 15th birthday party after ending…
BUTLER, Penn. – Billionaire Elon Musk unveiled an offer of $1 million to anyone willing to sign his birthday card, sources close to the matter…
Our own vanity plays a huge part in making the “body horror” genre of movies so terrifying. One day you’re walking around in your mid-20’s…
WASHINGTON — The minds behind the much-reviled Project 2025 announced new plans to capture ecological superhero Captain Planet and his trusty Planeteers in order to…
DEERFIELD, Ill. – Walgreens announced today that it would be closing 1,200 retail stores after unsuccessfully implementing a policy of locking entire facades of their…
PALM BEACH, Fla. — Former President Trump drew the ire of the worldwide population after posting “I HATE MOO DENG” on Truth Social at 2:37…
NEW YORK — Vice Presidential candidate Tim Walz recently revealed that he has been practicing for the debate with J.D. Vance by competing against a…
MINNEAPOLIS — Local highly-observant man Gavin Wells recently started to sincerely wish he was dumb enough to experience genuine happiness, multiple friends confirmed. “Every day…
PALM BEACH, Fla. – Sources within the Trump campaign reported that the former president and his team are seemingly overwhelmed with despair after pollsters found…
LOS ANGELES — The newest installment of the classic punk and heavy metal documentary series “Decline of the Western Civilization” will feature a telling look…
I recently decided I needed to prioritize my mental health. I took a look at my life and realized it’s not a good time for…