DRYDEN, N.Y. — An online trend known as the “milk crate challenge” left local punk Shelby Smalls with almost no furniture or storage options in…
WASHINGTON — President Biden announced a rebranding of the “Middle East Peace Process” to “The War On War” in hopes of appeasing warmonger lawmakers on…
Hey, thanks for agreeing to meet with me in this shadowy parking garage. Okay, so before I can buy a ticket to your show, I…
MEDFORD, Mass. — The basement practice space at 234 Syrup Street is reportedly overrun by enough Aspergillus fumigatus to dampen sound, thanks to leaky water…
LOS ANGELES — Local man Hugh Bellamy’s self care practice was revealed to be one of the more disgusting things ever heard of in recent…
PHILADELPHIA — Local birdwatcher and ornithology enthusiast Sam Greer watched approximately half of the classic 1970s John Waters film “Pink Flamingos” before reaching the conclusion…
MINNEAPOLIS — Unvaccinated couple Chris and Hannah Davidson excitedly shared the results of their latest COVID tests at a massive variant reveal party with family…
WHITEFISH, Mont. — An inclusive punk scene was applauded for acts of bravery late yesterday evening after members openly welcomed a second white woman to…
Jacksonville, Fla. — Local part-time dad Deryk Hoyt was disappointed by how far from completion his half-sleeve was after spending his Child Tax Credit at…
WASHINGTON — Centrist Democrats across the country expressed relief at seeing President Joe Biden dehumanize refugees with more decorum than his predecessor, sources reported. “After…
BELLEFONTE, Pa. — A customer at Quik Cuts Barber Shop cast an aching stare at a neighboring silent barber/customer pair while having his hair, and…
BOSTON — Local 39-year-old Tool fan Mark Gibson spent his entire shift last Wednesday angry at the fact that a genius of his magnitude was…
RICHMOND, Va. — An exhaustive report from the Pew Research Center on the local scene made waves Wednesday as it confirmed every single former scene…
FOREST PARK, Ill. — Local woman in her mid-30s Laura McMann was carded again late yesterday evening when attempting to buy alcohol after her hormonal…
SAN FRANCISCO — New COVID-19 mutation the Gamma Variant garnered attention with a cryptic tweet telling followers it had “big” plans for fall and winter,…