Tom Peters
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January 12, 2020
TACOMA, Wash. — Members of indie trio Shades of Hemingway surprised “superfan” and sole Patreon subscriber Artie Ravil yesterday by…
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Patrick Coyne
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January 12, 2020
MEMPHIS, Tenn. — Recently stabbed, profusely bleeding, and chronically uninsured drummer Tommy Rivera is insisting his band add at least…
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Patrick Coyne
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January 11, 2020
ROME, N.Y. — Local folk-punk band and inconsiderate neighbors Brewdog asked the old man who lives downstairs and banging on…
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Patrick Coyne
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January 11, 2020
NEW YORK — A large-scale data breach of Tumblr’s current user base compromised the personal information of all 12 horny,…
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John Danek
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January 11, 2020
DETROIT — Local bar/glam rock band Stiletto Devils, who cite fellow Detroiters Kiss as their sole influence, “suck ass” at…
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Patrick Coyne
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January 10, 2020
NEWARK, N.J. — Local punk and expert responsibility-avoider Dean Freeman asked his neighbor this morning to throw out all his…
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KC Phillips
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January 10, 2020
JANESVILLE, Wis. — An alarming analysis of several of Burger King’s new Impossible Whopper sandwiches has found that the popular…
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MAMANUCA ISLANDS, Fiji. — Crew members currently filming the latest season of “Survivor” were shocked to discover that a scab…
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Michael De Toffoli
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January 9, 2020
BERKELEY, Calif. — Traveling gutter punk-turned inspirational teacher Marcus “Guru Hoagie” Sanders is directing followers worldwide to treat their bodies…
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Rachel Steele
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January 9, 2020
Over the past few years we've called out, canceled, impeached, and even jailed some of America's most toxic and evil…
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