Press "Enter" to skip to content

BREAKING: Old Guy Moshes Weird

SACRAMENTO, Calif. –  BREAKING: The crowd at a secret, word-of-mouth show by prolific California hardcore band Chain Examination was stunned by the “weird moshing” of one older fan last night, according to several eye witnesses.

Chain Examination, one of North California’s premiere late-‘80s hardcore bands, reunited for the first time yesterday since their breakup in 1990, bringing with them an influx of older punks who have not moshed in almost three decades. Fans confirm one of the seniors who came out of mosh retirement — who appeared to be “at least 50” — was slamming abnormally in the pit all night, emphasizing the movement of his fingers and making other nontraditional mosh choices.

“It was funny seeing some of the older guys going off — there was one guy in a pair of Airwalks that was especially interesting,” said 23-year-old bicycle mechanic Ernie Kovalchuk. “He would circle around, pumping his fist, then grab someone underneath their armpits and just shake them back and forth. But my favorite was when he ran backwards, flapping his arms like a bird.”

The old guy in question was later identified as Gary Subban, an auto mechanic in nearby Elk Grove, CA. His trademark mosh, characterized by opening and closing his fists with each swing and hopping after every left footstep, was on full display and openly mocked by the younger generation in attendance.


“Judging by how that old guy was dancing, you would think he was fucking hammered, but all I served him all night was ginger ale,” said Lisa Quenneville. “We all kept laughing every time he would do this move where he bent over 90 degrees at the waist and shuffled side to side with his arms behind his back. We nicknamed that move ‘the angry forager.’”

After the show, Subban recounted his experience at the show while nursing his shoulder.

“This was a lot of fun. I haven’t gone off like that since before Milly and I had the twins. But all these kids today sure do slam dance funny.”

This story is still developing, and The Hard Times will keep you updated as more information becomes available.