KALAMAZOO, Mich. — Drummer Amir Ferguson last night left yet another piece of his drum gear in a city in which he’d just performed, cementing…
COLUMBUS — Local man Louis Contreras enthusiastically noted Monday morning that a man wearing a Turnstile T-shirt was in the background of a breaking news…
SOUTH BEND, Ind. — An exhaustive interrogation after a show at the Cherry Pit last Saturday night revealed that “that squirrely kid” who asked to…
TORONTO — Yoga enthusiast Melissa Christie discovered last night that her yoga mat had been used, presumably by one of her three roommates and their…
ATHENS, Ga. — Local punk Ramon Dixon told himself this morning that the insect he caught crawling across his bed, and that is “definitely responsible”…
ATHENS, Ga. — Local punk Ramon Dixon has officially decided he’ll “give it a few days” before telling his roommates about the weird bites found…
LEXINGTON, Ky. — Local tattoo artist Jory Belden has created a book of preconceived conversation topics for clients refer to and choose from during their…
Listen, I get it. The sun’s out, everything’s nice and warm, and your seasonal depression has evaporated into thin air. Why not swing by the…
HEAVEN — St. Peter spent the afternoon guiding Anthony Bourdain through the rough-and-tumble part of Heaven where the best food trucks can be found, noting…
NASHVILLE, Tenn. — Mourner Bryan Powell was reportedly infatuated last week with how different the tap water in Nashville tasted compared to that of his…
HAMMOND, Ind. — Noise musician Elaine McCulloch’s recent unemployment following her ungraceful exit from a line cook position at a local charcuterie pub is the…
GLENCOE, Ill. — Seventeen-year-old Twitch streamer and occasional “YouTube Tutorialist” Tucker Ferguson announced to viewers his intention to “jump right into it,” eight full minutes…
WASHINGTON — Nearly 500 door guys turned out for a demonstration Saturday afternoon protesting various venues planning to automate their door-guy jobs within the next…
PYEONGCHANG, South Korea — U.S. snowboarder Shaun White exchanged all three of his gold medals this morning for the prestigious Mountain Dew “Dewd-of-the-Year” Trophy following…
VLADIVOSTOK, Russia — @DNCSorosTracker, one of the more successful Russian Twitter bots created to influence American elections, announced plans today to pursue a comedy career…
