PARIS — A local hardcore show instantly achieved immediate legendary status after Olympic legend Simone Biles single-handedly opened up the pit with a perfect double…
LOS ANGELES – 26-year-old punk Max Goldstein unfortunately sustained an injury in a mosh pit immediately after being kicked off his parents’ insurance plan, concerned…
ANN ARBOR, Mich. – Local man Paul Costas disappeared after trying to tie his shoes in the midst of a forming pit at a beatdown…
DANVERS, Mass. — An especially deep stage dive by local Garry Beverling established contact with long-fabled unsettling bioluminescent punks who thrive down there, sources confirmed…
LAKEWOOD, Ohio — Local pit boss Ralph MacQuery created a sense of chaos and turmoil when he suddenly hoisted a lost shoe above the pit…
SANTA FE, N.M. — Attendees of last night’s set by scene legends Beyond Silent were surprised to notice that, for a solid few minutes, everyone…
NEW YORK — Part-time punk and full-time teacher Jack Hannon once again made an impassioned plea to his students to move “move the fuck up”…
ORLANDO — The local scene took notice when highly lauded community hero, Terrence Mann, was left out of those named as 2021 Nobel Peace Prize…
KALAMAZOO, Mich. — Local venue Breezy Steve’s Beer Barn now requires attendees to show proof of showering before they enter the venue, according to sources…
ATLANTA — Local punk Rodney Tobleson reportedly stood completely still with arms crossed in the middle of the pit during a recent Wailing Anus show…
ASHEVILLE, N.C. — Local punk Shannon Kildare adheres to a unique, and potentially damaging, meal regimen of a granola bar and three beers before attending…
GRAND RAPIDS, Mich. — Members of fledgling hardcore band Horse Hockey Massacre conceded the fact their set should’ve ended, like, 12 minutes ago and are…
SEATTLE — Overambitious elder millennial Janine Angler was released from the hospital yesterday and is expected to make a full recovery after standing at the…
OMAHA, Neb. — The Britney Spears ‘90s classic “…Baby One More Time” being played between sets at a recent hardcore show easily garnered the strongest…
OLYMPIA, Wash. — Local straight edge 22-year-old Niki Mishtia once again proved that he is perfectly capable of acting like a moron without using alcohol…