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Friend Who Tried to Tie Shoes in Pit Never Heard From Again

ANN ARBOR, Mich. – Local man Paul Costas disappeared after trying to tie his shoes in the midst of a forming pit at a beatdown hardcore show, somber sources have confirmed.

“Life can change in the blink of an eye. One second I’m with Paul, shoving unsuspecting assholes into the pit and elbowing anyone that’s even having the slightest bit of fun. Next thing I know, Paul goes to tie his Vans and he’s enveloped by two opposing walls of death,” said longtime friend Reggie Waters. “Before he was swallowed completely by the crowd, I could see his facial expression go from terrified to hopeful and then finally, to a calm resignation. Fuck, man. I just can’t believe he’s gone. I mean, we were friends and all, but also, who’s gonna Venmo me $15 for parking now?”

Members of Costas’ family reached out to the local community and news stations in hopes of finding him.

“I miss my baby Paul so much. I still remember his first day of school like it was yesterday. I remember chasing him down and teaching him how to tie them. Oh God, if it wasn’t for me, he would have been wearing velcro straps at the concert. This is all my fault,” said Paul’s grieving mother, Marianne Costas. “We’re organizing ground searches across all of his favorite locations like local bars past closing time, gas station fast food places, and strip mall parking lots. A local neighborhood girl was even kind enough to use her graphic design skills to make some flyers, although I’m not sure using his high school graduation photo is the best idea, considering he’s 29 years old.”

Friends are so desperate for answers they’ve turned to veteran Private Investigator Wesley Alcott.

“We all know cops can’t be trusted to solve shit. They’d probably just arrest an innocent bystander, shoot someone’s parakeet, and call it a day. That’s why people hire me. I’m a professional and I do it all while chain smoking cigarettes,” said Alcott. “The disappearance of Paul is actually extremely similar to a case I had a long time ago. Sadly, I never got to the bottom of that case and it haunts me to this day. I sure hope I’m not forced to reconcile with that cold case while solving this current one, and through that experience, learn to forgive myself for my past mistakes. That would fucking suck.”

At press time, an individual thought to be Paul Costas turned out to be another generic looking late 20s has-been with a beard wearing a band t-shirt, dark jeans, and Vans.