HARTFORD, CT – In a disturbing display of antisocial behavior, local psychopath Chaz Milwall bragged to coworkers that he routinely eats traditional breakfast entrees for dinner.
Sources close to Milwall report he will often forgo classic dinner plates such as spaghetti or steak with potatoes, and instead consume radical, unthinkable options like french toast or waffles.
“Yeah, maybe once or twice a week I’ll fry up some eggs and bacon for a quick and tasty dinner treat,” said a callous, unaffected Milwall. “Add in some nice fluffy pancakes with pure Vermont maple syrup and I am a happy camper.”
“Yum yum,” added Milwall.
Warning signs of Milwall’s heinous evening meal choices date back to his teenage days, according to one-time friend Clark Winston.
“Thinking back, Chaz was always a little off. After shows we would all go out to the local diner for an after-show meal, and Chaz would always get, like, an omelet with some hash browns. I figured it was past midnight so it isn’t that big of a deal, but I never thought it would come to this. Scrambled eggs at 6:00pm? It creeps me out.”
Milwall himself can’t see the inherent evil in his destructive culinary scheduling.
“I don’t see what the big deal is,” said the stone-faced Milwall. “Sometimes I’ll eat a slice of cold pizza in the morning before I go to work. I guess I never really thought it was weird.”
- Bad Friend Not Going to Diner After the Show
- Punk-Themed Food Truck Only Serves Lazy Puns
- Adult Band Paid in Pizza
The deplorable behavior of Milwall has alienated him from all whom he used to call his friends, led to numerous run-ins with law enforcement, and cost him any opportunity at meaningful, steady employment.
Even his heartbroken mother, Martha Milwall, has lost faith that her first-born son can be reformed.
“We had such high hopes for Chazzy — he was a bright and happy child.” said Mrs. Milwall, holding back tears. “I should have never let him eat those breakfast Hot Pockets when he was a child. I didn’t know one decision could cost us everything. I could have prevented this. I am so, so sorry.”