PLAINSVILLE, Iowa — Local virgin Andy Wardell grew concerned yesterday that his future sexual intercourse may resemble the acts described in any of the Cannibal…
CHICAGO — Local metal fan Tracy O’Brien attempted to use the popular music identification app Shazam today to identify a death metal song while in…
DENVER — Attendees of a local pop-punk show last night reported The Only Wish bass player Robert White’s Godflesh shirt suggested he’d much rather be…
BROOKLYN — Two patients waiting in the Dr. Smiles dentist office were seen wearing the same shirt featuring Canadian tech-death band Cryptopsy, but showed no…
INDIANAPOLIS — A local jazz drummer’s rant last night about stereotypical death metal band names, using only morbid phrases and references to physical violence, reportedly…
NASHVILLE, Tenn. — Obsessive festival attendee Argel Anaya molted the entire top layer of his skin today after spending the entire weekend in the sun…
ORLANDO, Fla. — Metalhead Brad Fetterman spent several hours yesterday sewing the sleeves back on to his finest Dying Fetus T-shirt in preparation for his…
BAKERSFIELD, Calif. — EMT student Lindsay Taugida set a record yesterday during a class test in reaching 220 beats-per-minute while performing CPR, officials at the…
RIVERBANK, Calif. — Meshuggah’s latest album The Violent Sleep Of Reason is riddled with hidden Morse code distress patterns from guitarist Fredrik Thordendal, according to…
TAMPA, Fla. — Death-metal band Cannibal Corpse and pop singer Nicki Minaj are working on a surprising collaboration birthed from a mutual appreciation of “ass…
SHREVEPORT, La. — Goat Cadaver frontman and lyricist Jake Reid reportedly hit a wall in his songwriting process late last night after struggling to find…
DALLAS — Death metal band Moruthal experienced record-low turnouts for their show last Friday night after accidentally printing the time and location information in the…
ÖRNSKÖLDSVIK, Sweden — Metalhead Scott Armstrong hoarded his savings for nearly two years to take a pilgrimage to the “Mecca of Metal,” Sweden, only to…
HELL – Lucifer, the Prince of Darkness and Ruler of All Things Evil, is reportedly unimpressed with what he called, “the lackluster state of current…