TRENTON, N.J. — Local hardcore band Open Sesame debuted a unique and unprecedented combination of tunings at their inaugural show last night, witnesses who lamented…
It is a historical fact that Andrew Jackson was a shit-eating bag of limp dicks and prolapsed buttholes. As a punk publication, the Hard Times…
MINNEAPOLIS — Local woman and online shopper Darla Castro is reconsidering her lack of children after a search for her favorite band’s shirt yielded only…
BOSTON — Philosophy major Patrick Cartelli returned yesterday from three months studying abroad in London with several new mannerisms, including an insistence on spelling “poser”…
At first glance, the names Cyrus and Jeff might not mean anything to you. They’re a couple of guys who’ve known each other since grade…
NANUET, N.Y. — Local new, potential best friends Mark Hughes and Brady Walker confirmed that they shared the most beautiful moment of their respective lives…
DENVER — Local marijuana enthusiast Toby Strickland is “pretty sure” he is the first to invent CBD-infused marijuana, which he believes is an opportunity to…
SAN DIEGO — Aspiring Reddit user and avowed Blink-182 fan Stuart Brennan was flabbergasted Saturday evening as he attempted to create an account for the…
WASHINGTON — An increasing number of Americans are relying on monetized Youtube covers of Toto’s “Africa” to make ends meet despite record-low unemployment and unprecedented…
BROOKLYN, N.Y. — Greenpoint-based shitty bookstore Books, Beanz n’ Beats Cafe is also known for being a shitty coffee shop and shitty record store, thanks…
CINCINNATI — Local music enthusiast David Grabow keeps a sleeve of CDs in his car on his driver’s side sun-visor “just in case,” despite having…
GENEVA — A recent report from leading vegan scientists indicates the limited supply of dairy milk alternative Oatly could lead to increased international tension, eventually…
Dear Scabby: I’m really embarrassed to admit this…but I just shat a bunch of skittles out of my womanly parts. I haven’t eaten skittles in…
Many of us tend to put rock stars and touring musicians on pedestals. But the truth is, the music industry is rife with unscrupulous, unsavory,…
AUSTIN, Texas. — Local punk Rachel Ronson inadvertently removed both of her legs just below the knee last night while cutting her pair of black…