SEATTLE — Vertex Solutions employee and local bassist Gretchen Garcia is leading the fight to expand paid leave to musicians wanting to spend time with…
I love to travel. Travel is the first interest listed on all my dating apps, right above Cards Against Humanity, and “adventures,” which is basically…
SALT LAKE CITY — Employees of a local Goodwill thrift store reported a loud disturbance today, as a woman discovered several crates of religious music…
MILLWOOD, Wash. — Residents of Millwood, Wash. are reportedly confused by local pop-punk band Pacific Standard, with citizens collectively wondering what they ever did to…
SAN FRANCISCO — 38-year-old father and successful business owner Vince Martinez is still, despite all sound logic and reason, nostalgic for the absolute shittiest years…
Boy I tell ya, when they say to make sure to read the fine print they mean it! It all started two weeks ago when…
TROY, Mich. — Floor Trends Magazine editors have chosen NOFX’s 1994 skate-punk anthem “Linoleum” as the magazine’s Song of the Year for the 25th year…
VACAVILLE, Calif. — Local thrash band VomIts-Its officially canceled their summer tour yesterday after every member was forced to attend summer school, according to super-bummed…
TITTY CITY — Female Body Inspector Benjamin Travis Dover was fired this morning following several recent disciplinary incidents, forcing him to turn in his gun…
Yes, America has modern day concentration camps that hold migrant children in cages of their own filth. But we also understand that a new season…
SAVANNAH, Ga. — AFI superfan Kristen Gallows spent her entire paycheck last night on amulets yet again, bankrupting herself for the week in a pattern…
BOSTON — A legendary and possibly mythical mosher was allegedly spotted last night enjoying a four-course French meal in the pit a hardcore show without…
EL PASO, Texas — An agent with U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement was indignant today after once again being compared to a member of the…
Yes, we understand that we confused Jared Simmons as a member of the Hammerskin Nation, one of the most violent neo-Nazi Skinhead gangs in the…
TUCKER, Ga. — Punk Ollie Boyer turned around a framed photo on his nightstand last night of punk rock icon and notoriously judgemental dude Henry…