WALLA WALLA, Wash. — Local punk Niles Torsten displayed the “LOV” and “HAT” tattoos on his gnarled fingers last night while warning partygoers about improper…
NEW YORK — The hosts of “Fox & Friends” demonstrated how drinking out of a toilet was “completely normal” on this morning’s broadcast of their…
OMAHA, Neb. — Up-and-coming ska band Superquake announced today that they are relocating from their hometown of Anaheim, Calif. to Omaha, Nebraska, to take advantage…
SANTA FE, N.M. — Local tattoo artist Robert Edward is reportedly seeking adequate care for his near two-dozen tarantulas during his latest stint in Santa…
The first time my girlfriend and I saw Sharona she had the cutest pout on her face as she was turned away from a bar…
PORTLAND, Ore. — Patrons of local punk venue The Steel Toe report peculiar, “almost paranormal” happenings in and around the building, which many equate to…
ELLICOTT CITY, Md. — Teenage punk and C+ student Geoff Berger was given a second yearbook photo this week to accommodate his 18-inch high, multi-colored…
FLAGSTAFF, Ariz. — Local teenage lifeguard Jeremy Keenum openly wished yesterday that someone at the recreational pool he covers would somehow forget how to swim…
By 1969, the Chipmunks had hit a creative and commercial brick wall, with the public seemingly sick of rodent-based novelty songs. The band and manager…
LONDON — Legendary Rolling Stones guitarist Keith Richards is completely oblivious that he will soon embark on his final string of performances, confirmed the Lord…
MISSOULA, Mont. — Real-deal, bloodsucking vampire Count Adhemar Chauve-Souris was vehemently dismissed as a poser today by mall goths he was recruiting for his gaggle…
BETHPAGE, N.Y. — Hardcore quartet Breakpunch accidentally created a rift in the Long Island hardcore scene last night by inadvertently covering the entire set of…
Have your band practices been awkward ever since your bass player Mike quit and you replaced him with a dude named Mark who sort of…
LODI, N.J. — A group of neighborhood kids scattered and hid for the rest of the afternoon yesterday after their baseball accidentally smashed “crazy old…
LOS ANGELES — 36-year-old skateboarder Rodney Sanders found himself in a great moral predicament yesterday when he sided with irate property owners after watching various…