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5 Signs Your Belligerently Drunk Sobbing Friend Might Need Help

Friends are arguably just as, if not more, important than family. A bond thicker than blood. They’re there for us during the best and worst times of our lives. You take care of each other. That’s why, if your friend is ever belligerently drunk and sobbing, it’s important to familiarize yourself with the potential warning signs that they might need help.

1. Marathon Day Drinking:
There is absolutely, positively, nothing wrong with occasional day drinking. There is absolutely a cause for concern when your friend is chasing mouthwash with whiskey every morning in the office break room. I mean, if you’re gonna do it, drink the whiskey first. It’s definitely a cry for help.

2. Poor Hygiene:
That leads me to this next thing. Poor Hygiene is another dead give away that your buddy is in trouble. I’m not just talking booze breath at work. I’m talking piss. It may not seem like a big deal that your 36-year-old friend has pissed themselves at the bar for the twelfth time this month. Who cares, right? They still shower consistently. But how about those shoes? The same shoes they keep wearing. The shoes that have become neglected sponges of piss. It’s gross and they want you to notice.

3. Swerving Erratically Behind The Wheel:
This is arguably one of the most important things to look out for. If you find yourself riding in the passenger seat of your buddy’s ride, after a night of Long Island Iced Teas and Irish Car Bombs, it’s important to be vigilant. Falling asleep behind the wheel and gradual veering off the road are expected in situations like these. What might be a cause for alarm is when the driver starts swerving back and forth screaming “None of this matters!” down the interstate.

4. Starting To Sound Like Your Dad:
This is one I hope nobody ever has to experience. A lot of people struggling with an internal conflict tend to project their insecurities onto others and sometimes those projections sound much like your father used to. “Shut up! I know what I’m doing!” or “Get a real job, you scab!” and “You are the reason your mother and I hate each other” are just a few examples of things your struggling friend may be screaming at you from across the bar.

5. Laying in a puddle of their own piss scream crying “Oh my god! I need help!” in the middle of the neighborhood farmers market:
The natural reaction to seeing somebody screaming face down in a puddle of piss at your local Sunday morning farmers market is to ignore them. Obviously. But when that embarrassing sack of public humiliation is your friend, studies have shown you should not. There is a good chance that they’re screaming “My life is falling apart and I don’t know what to do” because they need you to be there for them. The way they were there for you that time you almost got arrested for drunkenly cry-puking on all the laptops in an apple store.