As vaccines against the Covid-19 virus begin distribution one can’t help but have a sense of optimism as the future approaches. Soon people who aren’t…
LAKEWOOD, Calif. — Aging punk Lilo Omed claimed today that the best way to keep his penis erect is not by consuming over-the-counter pills, but…
Hey friendo! I know it’s a bit awk between the police and the public rn, but I have an idea. Umm, what if both sides…
So, you decided to dabble with some ketamine. I really can’t blame you. Sorry horses, Ket isn’t just for you anymore! Some of my dealers…
CROTON-ON-HUDSON, N.Y. — Robby Danter, bassist and devoted member of local band The Tennis Court Oath for the past six years and counting, is optimistic…
TUCSON, Ariz. — Local man Edgar Ruiz admitted today that he would have done things much differently if he knew that the most recent time…
KINGS PARK, N.Y. — 41-year-old Pantera megafan Ray “Nickelbag” Shipley is still enrolled in 11th grade at Kings Park High School, as well as nightly…
BALTIMORE — Local thrash metal band Gynosphinx reportedly spent close to $500 to soundproof their practice space last week out of respect for their neighbors…
LONDON — Queen Elizabeth II announced today that she will knight either Liam or Noel Gallagher of famed 90s Britpop group Oasis to quell her…
Holy shit! Can anyone help me?! If so, GET ME THE FUCK OUTTA HERE! I listened to Phantogram for the first time, and now I’m…
DETROIT — Local YouTube guitar teacher Nita von Bismark quietly mumbled to her online students that she would put on a Jimi Hendrix documentary and…
DENVER — Julian Rodriguez, guitarist of Black Sabbath tribute act Supernauts, fought back tears this morning as he purchased a Ryobi circular saw with his…
CALABASAS, Calif. — An emotional Kanye West stood outside soon-to-be-ex-wife Kim Kardashian’s bedroom window last night while holding a boombox playing his own music in…
DEER PARK, N.Y. — The owners of local rehearsal space Damned Studios released a number of safety protocols yesterday for COVID, but failed to address…
BROOKLYN — Local stoner metalhead Graham Wyatt overslept this morning after a night of drinking and weed smoking, which caused him to run a “‘Dopesmoker’…