LANSING, Mich. — A new punk census surveyed scenes across the nation gauging the health of local DIY communities, and alarmingly found the numbers everywhere…
LOS ANGELES — Psychologists at UCLA announced a breakthrough discovery today in the case study of Allie Terrell, a strong, independent woman who was able…
LOS ANGELES — Popular podcast host Joe Rogan is set to become the first-ever artist played on the Spotify platform to be properly compensated, thanks…
Local Venue That Kicked You Out for Fighting, Lighting Fires Has a Lot of Nerve Asking for Donations
Local Venue That Kicked You Out for Fighting, Lighting Fires Has a Lot of Nerve Asking for Donations
FLAGSTAFF, Ariz. –– Management at local venue The Corner Spot, who kicked you out for starting fights and lighting a trash can on fire last…
SANTA MONICA, Calif. — Streaming giant Hulu announced Tuesday that, due to nationwide stay-at-home orders, fans of the mid-2000s sitcom “Scrubs” now must acknowledge the…
NEW YORK — Quarantined man Michael Gray repeated his rigid daily routine moments ago when he turned off his alarm, got out of bed, and…
STATEN ISLAND, N.Y. — Recently deceased Amazon warehouse worker Freddie Romero was named “Employee of the Month” yesterday for his tireless work ethic and refusing…
ANNAPOLIS, Md. — Lifelong nerd Nate Guajardo emerged from a local Planet Fitness facility today “beefed out as fuck” after being trapped inside the gym…
DALLAS — Local small aircraft pilot Skippy Barnes is supplementing his skywriting income with a clandestine, government-backed chemical-spraying side gig, high-level sources demanding anonymity confirmed.…
Opinion: The Virus Doesn’t Care What Race You Are, but the Government Does so Some of You Are Fucked
Opinion: The Virus Doesn’t Care What Race You Are, but the Government Does so Some of You Are Fucked
All people must unify now! Dammit, this virus doesn’t care what your race is! It will harm you and your loved ones indiscriminately. The United…
LOS ANGELES — Local woman Mattie Foster, known for her drunken outbursts at shows, is now simply loud and wasted at home due to Los…
BLOOMINGTON, Minn. — A quarantined couple stuck in the same house under self-isolation since March ended their one-and-a-half year-long relationship after a grueling, tedious, and…
WASHINGTON — Governors from all 50 states agreed that shelter-in-place orders would firmly remain on your shitty band as the rest of the country sees…
NEW YORK — Local man Marc Ramsey has baked a life-size sourdough girlfriend to combat his quarantine-induced loneliness, concerned sources report. “When the pandemic first…
BLUE ISLAND, Ill. — Local father Lucas Carroll is doing his best to homeschool his children during coronavirus stay-at-home orders, even though his area of…