NORTH MANCHESTER, Ind. — Middle-aged punk John Miaza recalled today exactly which high school class he was skipping when the first plane crashed into the…
CHESANING, Mich. — A sandwich bag containing approximately four grams of oregano was successfully sold to a group of middle school kids under the pretense…
I’m a simple man that likes the simple things in life. I like rare steak, cold beer, and fishing on Sundays. Unlike some of the…
WASHINGTON — President Trump threw a life-like dummy of himself moments ago off a bridge onto sharp rocks below to seemingly avoid being impeached for…
BERKELEY, Calif. — Vegan punk Angela Birge debuted yesterday her custom, “completely badass” fruit leather jacket, impressing attendees at a local farmers’ market. “I felt…
PACIFICA, Calif. — A Regal Cinemas gift card was transferred last night to a third wallet without once being used despite still carrying a $50…
HAVERHILL, Mass. — A punk-themed ice cream truck impressed potential patrons yesterday with a raw, energetic version of “Turkey in the Straw” that lasted roughly…
DETROIT — Striking GM auto workers politely rejected yesterday folk singer Joe Nash’s offer to play inspiring, Americana labor ballads as a sign of solidarity.…
TEMPE, Ariz. — Local idiot Eli Burkhardt made a fool of himself today by accidentally cutting off his jeans vertically, leaving the back of his…
DUNWOODY, Ga. — Recently dumped dirtbag Jimmy Crocetta is allegedly hoping his ex-girlfriend Christina Jindra will want to still remain friends, send him nudes, and…
NEW BRUNSWICK, N.J. — A man wearing a faded, several-years-old novelty Labatt Blue hockey jersey at an all-ages show last week marked the unofficial end…
BOSTON — Local man, and person with little to no concern for his physical well-being, Travis Ligresti was spotted eating his fifth fruit-on-the-bottom yogurt cup…
LOS ANGELES — Father Michael Kelly of St. Mark’s Parish asked Dave Grohl yesterday to stop beginning his confessional by screaming, “I have a confession…