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Opinion: It’s Time Us Lesbians Reclaimed Wrap Around Sunglasses From Racist White Guys

When it comes to modern social issues, there are some racist white men who simply cannot see the light. And that’s probably because they’re wearing a sweet pair of wrap-around shades that barely even fit around their big, racist heads.

For too long, guys with names like “Scooter” or “Kyle” have been posted up in their oversized trucks, ranting into their iPhone 5c’s about “minorities,” all while wearing the standard uniform; a red hat, a chinstrap beard hanging off of not much chin, and a pair of wraparounds that would look much better on its rightful place: adorned as the crown it is, resting on the middle part of the back of the head of a proud lesbian.

Lesbians are all too familiar with how clothing can be used to signal each other. I know for a fact that whenever I see a bad stick n’ poke tattoo in a cargo shorts/muscle shirt combo, my chances of scissoring are so high I feel like I’m back in art school. As a group known for bold fashion decisions, we are the only ones capable of properly appropriating their Jimmy Buffett-Core aesthetic, forcing them to constantly wonder if they are looking at a fellow alt-right dude, or just Barb, the field hockey coach.

This is not to say that we will stop protesting and doing everything we can to dismantle the systems that embolden these Ford F150 crybabies. We simply want to twist the knife using what we know best: fashion decisions that make heterosexual women go “oh, she looks… comfortable.” Let this be a warning. You better hold onto your sunglasses because, unlike your wife, the lesbians are coming.