LIMA, Ohio – A Midwestern tattoo shop is doing its part to heal the nation’s wounds by offering free appointments to anyone who wants to…
TORONTO — Local post-rock band To Lay in a Store of Sucking Stones unveiled a “Skip Intro” feature designed by programmers at Netflix for their…
SEATTLE — Bill and Melinda Gates assured friends, family, and fans that they fully intend to continue working with their foundation, as well as working…
SAN FRANCISCO — Presidio Heights residents Bella and Hilton Dell are close to surpassing the 90-minute mark talking about the air fryer and bidet they…
ALLENTOWN, Pa. — Aging former Warped Tour musician Brent Storm sold his van and is now working for a local PetCo as a freelance pet…
ANYTOWN, USA — Darrell “Sloppy” Jones, the wacky friend and outlandish next-door neighbor from teen sitcom “Janey and Joey,” reportedly only acts that way to…
WASHINGTON — Embattled congressman Matt Gaetz shocked officials inside the Beltway with a bombshell announcement regarding his age, stunned Capitol Hill sources confirmed. “I’m only…
CHARLOTTESVILLE, Va. — Members of Dave Matthews Band not named Dave Matthews got together yesterday to request a name change in order to be more…
GARDEN CITY, N.Y. — Donna Morgan’s second ear lobe piercings, obtained at a Claire’s in the Roosevelt Field Mall 13 years ago, asked Morgan’s younger,…
QUINCY, Mass. — Local man and self-described introvert Blake Crowley became an adamant anti-vaccine activist in a desperate attempt to avoid being forced to attend…
HOBOKEN, N.J. — Local nonbeliever and Bon Jovi fan Tami Clarkson has been mentally cruising through unemployment solely by the quotes and wisdom of atheist…
CAMBRIDGE, Mass. — A new report from The Institute of Nostalgia Studies found evidence that the classic ‘90s “X-Men” animated series doesn’t have the same…
WASHINGTON — President Biden urged American citizens to peacefully allow law enforcement to continue murdering them following a spike in shootings of unarmed Black people…
LOS ANGELES — Acoustic guitarist Harry “Wild Child” Kearns caused a mass evacuation from a local vaccine site with his terrible acoustic renditions of pop…
BOSTON — An allegedly cash-poor Dropkick Murphys irked fans by announcing that Arbor Day has always been one of “their things” in what was “definitely…