HEAVEN – Following the untimely death of David Bowie, God, the almighty, all-knowing deity and Creator of Heaven and Earth, has announced the final lineup…
NEW YORK CITY — Local stage potato “Big” Greg Hauff began to sprout last night during touring act HEADWALK’s headlining set, according to several witnesses in…
HANSON, Mass. — Local man Aaron Noble is entered into his tenth year of searching for the perfect surface to apply a sticker of beloved Boston…
TEMPE, Arizona — Your normie, non-punk girlfriend, who you’ve been with since early high school, is thrilled that you invited 15 of your friends from…
SACRAMENTO, Calif. – Local straight edge couple Garret Curley and Kristina Rettig made a valiant effort to stay up until midnight to watch the ball…
BERKELEY, Calif. — Local ukulele owner and polyamorous man Rick Walcott graciously explained the core concepts of feminism to a group of female undergraduate students Saturday night during…
OAKLAND, Calif. — One lucky, horrified fan of the hardcore band STEEM was forced against his will to crowd surf last night as audience members hoisted…
You’ve told them countless times. You weren’t rude about it, but you definitely told them. Still, that one weird aunt — or your friend’s new…
SPRINGFIELD, Mo. — Local frontman Spencer Wilt made an impassioned declaration to ISIS “and other terrorist groups,” clarifying that religious extremists of any creed responsible for recent mass…
BREAKING: Early reports indicate your Malaysian Facebook friend wants your defunct high-school band, Pig Abortions, to “come tour [Malaysia] already.” The friend, who added you three…
AUSTIN, Texas – In a blatant display of entitlement, touring band Cheap Shot reportedly demanded legal, minted U.S. dollars — in virtually any form — in exchange for not…
JAMAICA PLAIN, Mass. – Silver-tongued punk Victor Gross resorted to complimenting a band he genuinely hated in hopes it would help his chances in procuring the…
WASHINGTON – Members of Congress were called to a special session this week to tighten regulations on what can be considered “New York Hardcore” following the…
BROCKTON, Mass. – With Boxed Out’s merch table set up and drink tickets secured, band manager Charlie Austin is reportedly “not entirely sure” what he should do for the next three…
DIXIE, Ga. – After a long, hard battle with their host’s shower, touring band The Hammer and Nail have reportedly broken the shower’s handle and…