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Drummer Reluctantly Compliments Band’s Music Just Before Asking To Borrow Their Equipment

JAMAICA PLAIN, Mass. – In an attempt to tactfully ask to borrow a fellow drummer’s kit, silver-tongued punk Victor Gross allegedly resorted to complimenting a band he genuinely hated in hopes it would help his chances in procuring the drum set he desperately needed.

Sources confirm Gross didn’t waste a minute after Beat It, the opening band, finished their set before approaching their drummer, Sean Fitzpatrick, about borrowing his kit.

“You guys were super tight. I was mad into it, bro,” said Gross multiple times before casually asking to borrow the gear. “Do you mind if I play around on those bad boys for our set? I don’t know if I can rip as hard as you, but I will try.”

In a textbook display of manipulation, Gross even referred to Fitzpatrick, a complete stranger, as “brother” numerous times throughout their exchange until Fitzpatrick reluctantly agreed, stating, “Sure, man, go for it,” despite later admitting he felt uncomfortable with Gross’s presence the entire night.

“He spent our whole set trying to make eye contact with me. When he walked over, I knew I was in for a treat,” said Fitzpatrick. “What kind of jackass doesn’t bring a kit to a show they’re headlining?”

“Dude! What an idiot. His band sounded like they were all playing different songs at once. I can’t believe he actually fell for the old ‘your band ripped’ routine,” said Gross of his act of blatant avarice. “I left my kit in my basement. It’s only four miles away, but it takes, like, eight minutes to break [my kit] down. I don’t have time for that sort of bullshit.”

Fitzpatrick reportedly looked on in horror as Gross completely mistreated and damaged the borrowed gear over the span of his band’s 24-minute set.


“After every song, he would get up and kick the toms over and scream about Lord-knows-what. He picked up a cymbal stand and threw it like a javelin straight into the wall for no apparent reason,” said Fitzpatrick, examining his brutalized kit.

“It just sucks. I borrowed these drums from the butt-rock band we share a practice space with. I’m not looking forward to explaining what happened.”

Article by Greg McGonagle @gregmcgonagle. Photo by JJ Handbag @JJHandbag.