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Congress To Tighten Regulations on What Can Be Considered “New York Hardcore”

WASHINGTON – Members of Congress were called to a special session this week to tighten regulations on what can be considered “New York Hardcore” following the release of the latest Point of Contention album, a Connecticut band who prominently featured the iconic “NYHC” logo on their cover.

“Enough is enough,” declared Sen. Ralph Lee Abraham (R-LA). “If we keep going down this slippery slope, soon we will have ska bands from the Philippines in the same conversation as Warzone or Madball. Ladies and gentlemen, I don’t want my grandkids brought up a world where that is a possibility.”

President Obama called the emergency session after his recent purchase of the album, when his quick scan of the liner notes revealed the band was clearly not from New York.

“Folks, this nation has a lot of fine traditions. I would argue none greater than the hardcore punk sound of New York. That is why I have called on Congress to finally address the boundaries of what can be considered ‘New York Hardcore,'” said Mr. Obama in his weekly address. “When I see that NYHC logo, I expect bands like Sick Of It All and Agnostic Front, bands who grew up with legendary venues like ABC No Rio and Coney Island High.

“I am sick and tired of all these other bands claiming to be from New York.”

In a rare show of bipartisan leadership, the Senate almost unanimously agreed to tighten regulations on New York hardcore, with a vote of 99-1. The lone holdout was Sen. Cory Booker (D-NJ).

“Listen, New York is a state of mind. It is no longer just a place. Bands take influences from all over and we need to honor their roots,” said Mr. Booker, who also plays bass in hardcore band No Vote. “My band alone would suffer immensely. Especially if we tried to set up a west coast tour.”

As of press time, the House remained divided as to whether the legal definition of the genre was confined to New York City limits, or if it applied to the entire state.

A recess has been called as Representatives from Long Island and upstate New York prepare for testimony.

 Photo by Colyn Emery.