You’ve told them countless times. You weren’t rude about it, but you definitely told them. Still, that one weird aunt — or your friend’s new significant other — has gifted you a bottle of alcohol you’ll never, ever consume.
Now, a question of etiquette — do you re-gift it to someone at the next holiday party, or get rid of it in some other way? Don’t worry! The Hard Times has you covered. Here are the real Straight Edger’s options:
The Straight Edger’s Holiday Guide to Re-Gifting Alcohol
1. Give it to Jimmy, the ex-bass player of your high school straight edge band, New Crew.
2. If you get wine, keep it! You’ll want it to let it age a while in your cellar before you sell out.
3. Give it to one of your shit-bag metalhead friends!
Related:
- The Five Stages of Hardcore Retirement Planning
- Straight Edge Friend Total Scumbag in Every Other Way Possible
- Straight Edge Scene Beef Resolved Over a Couple Brewskies
4. Throw it against a wall for your straight edge band’s music video.
5. Give it to your dad, because… well, let’s be honest. That’s probably why you’re edge.
Article and photo by Mirinda Moriarty @leeloodallas_multipass.