BALTIMORE — Surgeons at Johns Hopkins Medical Center recently performed the first successful procedure to physiologically affix classic rock fan Denny Clainsborough’s girlfriend, Jill, atop…
SAINT PAUL, Minn. — 37-year-old punk Ronald “Buckets” Drearer grossly exaggerated how much alcohol he regularly consumes in order to seem cooler during a recent…
So you’re a gearhead, huh? You think you’ve got a sweet gear collection? Alright, if you’re so sure of yourself, then how about putting your…
DENVER — Local punk John Hesslip’s scene-approved nickname of Slop Boy continues to baffle others in the scene who are unsure whether or not it’s…
Man, you guys are great. Seriously, I can’t remember the last time I had such a great — oh look, an owl — time. You…
So, it’s all come down to this. Right at the peak of your trip, and just on the cusp of figuring out the secret of…
SCRANTON, Penn. — Toby Louvern, lead vocalist in doom-pop band Expired Sex, was stricken with the deepest existential terror of his life during a recent…
SAN FRANCISCO — American chain seafood restaurant Red Lobster declared chapter 7 bankruptcy this week after a recent crossover promotion with punk band Dead Kennedys…
WASHINGTON, D.C — The Supreme Court of the United States recently decided, after allowing a law banning all abortions after six weeks, that the State…
Okay, I’m cool. Sure I’ve had 11 PBRs on an empty stomach, but there is no way I’m gonna be in the bathroom when Shit…
SECAUCUS, N.J. — The newly created Merch Guy Hall of Fame announced its inaugural class of inductees consisting entirely of pretty average looking dudes named…
WEDGEBERG, Wyom. — A recent census of the town of Wedgeberg, population 629, revealed that its fledgling punk scene is composed entirely of teenage thespians…
Some truths feel so obvious it almost seems absurd to think you’d ever have to explain them, let alone defend them in an official statement…
I can’t believe that “sound guy” is still a socially acceptable thing to call someone. What year is this, 2004?! How can this scene even…
ATLANTA — Local punk Rodney Tobleson reportedly stood completely still with arms crossed in the middle of the pit during a recent Wailing Anus show…