Some truths feel so obvious it almost seems absurd to think you’d ever have to explain them, let alone defend them in an official statement to the head of HR. Well, since my direct supervisors still refuse to accept the reality that’s right in front of them, allow me to definitively state this irrefutable fact: my Mighty Mighty Bosstones bowling shirt, in addition to being totally kickass, is also appropriate office attire.
This shouldn’t have ever been brought up for debate. It has a collar and buttons and even those little fucking cuffs around the sleeves and shit, which makes it business casual. Now, Mr. Manager, you’re trying to tell me that just because of the shirt’s insultingly neon colors and Comic Sans-ian font that it’s some sort of “unprofessional monstrosity.” Well I don’t recall reading anything about that in the employee handbook.
I hate the double standard that’s being put in place here. Everybody else gets to wear whatever fucking oxfords or polos they want, but just because my attire is repping ska-punk bad boys MMB, somehow that makes me the asshole. You gotta be kidding me!
It’s not like I don’t understand what’s really going on here. You’re jealous! You only wish you could pick it up pick it up and skank your cares away like me. Hell I bet you can’t even bowl a 140 average you dolled-up gutterballer. Maybe if you loosened up on your arbitrary wardrobe restrictions you’d be able to pick up the spare!
Okay, sorry for getting heated there for a second. Obviously we’re all a little too close to this issue.
I’ll just say that the needless judgment has to stop. But I’m willing to make a compromise. If my Mighty Mighty Bosstones shirt can be considered normal business attire just like any of the boring office shirts everyone else chooses to wear, then I’ll drop my whole position on bondage trousers not technically breaking the full-length pants rule for casual Fridays. Deal?