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Oh You’re a Gearhead? Name Three Worthless Things You Squandered Your Kid’s College Fund On

So you’re a gearhead, huh? You think you’ve got a sweet gear collection? Alright, if you’re so sure of yourself, then how about putting your child’s entire academic future where your mouth is? Name three of the most needlessly expensive pieces of equipment that you burned your kid’s college fund for.

What’s that? No response? You mean you’ve never once had to explain to your kid that he’s gonna be stuck going to correspondence college because you just bought a reverb pedal that costs the same as a mid-size pickup truck? Pffft, some gearhead you are. It’s like you care less about note resonance than your son’s lifelong dream of becoming a pediatric surgeon. Sort your priorities out.

You shouldn’t even be able to call yourself a gearhead if you’re not maxing out at least three credit cards a month buying new mini amp heads. Crippling debt is the centerpiece of any real gearhead’s collection.

It takes total commitment to be a gearhead. It’s a way of life. If you’re not willing to take out a third mortgage to invest it into your pedalboard, then you may as well go back to school to take your CPA exam you boring, fiscally-responsible fuck.

Like I told my son before he refused to talk to me for the last nine years, “Sometimes a vintage tube amp that doesn’t actually work can teach you a whole lot more than an Ivy League education ever could.” What those lessons are I have no idea, but seriously, check out this amp! It won’t turn on, but I’m pretty sure I’m only like three grand away from figuring out what the problem is.