Ceremony will be playing their 2010 record “Rohnert Park” from front to back for the first and last time this Saturday at a sold out show in Los Angeles, and we here at The Hard Times just so happen to have an exclusive variant of that record on sale now (Click here to order yours before they are gone forever).
To celebrate this momentous occasion we are ranking every track on the album by how likely we are to be injured when they play it live. To all the purists reading, we are breaking up track one into two songs and the secret song will be separated out so there will be 15 songs total. For context, we used to be pretty spry in a bit, our stage dives went deep, our headwalking skills were unrivaled. But time humbles us all, and as we try to recapture our youth we are very likely to end up with a sprained ankle, strained calf, or even a slipped disc.
Let’s dive into each song starting with which ones are safe, and ending with the songs that will cause bodily harm we are no longer suited to handle.
15. “Into the Wayside Part I”
There isn’t much to this intro at all. It will set up a genuine sense of menace and anticipation in the crowd for the 40 seconds it plays, but we will remain injury-free for sure. Even the guy who wore his old Expire hoodie won’t be causing any trouble at this point.
14. “Into the Wayside Part II”
The outro to the album is a low-key melody played over some sort of news report. At this point nobody had heard Ceremony sound anything like this, Ross is actually singing instead of screaming, and it was an indication of what Ceremony would soon become. But for now, nobody is piling on top of us, there is some gentle swaying, we can deal with gentle swaying, it’s actually kind of nice.
13. “Into the Wayside Part II”
Of the three “Wayside” songs this has the most potential for injury because of the squealing guitar solo. Also, the story being told in the background is kind of gross, if they have that guy telling the story live on stage someone might try to mosh when he talks about his neighbor’s head being squished by a door.
12. The Doldrums (Friendly City)
Here is a general rule of thumb when it comes to Ceremony, if the song is longer than three minutes then you are basically safe. This track will be a welcome rest for the crowd. At this point everyone will be catching their breath and thinking “I didn’t use to get this winded at shows, I need to eat better and exercise more.” The weakest of the group will move away from the front of the stage at this point and call it a night.
https://open.spotify.com/track/66ViZnxnua1DjCAq10rxPt?si=cd530a949c03428c
11. Open Head
Ok here we go, no more singing, it’s all screaming from here on out. “Open Head” is the slowest of the bunch when it comes to the heavier songs. It even has something resembling a sing-along at the end of the song that might cause a pileup. This could lead to someone’s Vans Slip-On kicking us in the face, but we are going to assume everyone has gained 20 pounds since this album came out and it’s simply harder to lift people up.
10. “Terminal Addiction”
This song starts with a bit of a tribute to the Rick Ross song “Hustlin'” and is still a relatively safe song. It’s another mid-tempo song about drug use and addiction. But everyone at the show is in that phase of their life where they are trying to drink less, smoke less, and do less cocaine, so singing along to this one won’t be as satisfying. The worst thing that could happen to us during this song is someone dumps out their beer and it splashes on us.
9. “Back in ’84”
The last song on this list that has any parts that could be considered “mid-tempo.” The difference between this song and the others on the album is the fact there are legit fast parts that are going to cause the crowd to come alive. However, the fast parts are just going to inspire everyone to do that crouched, mini-circle pit thing that happens, it looks stupid as hell and nobody is getting hurt.
8. “Moving Principle”
The third longest song on the album clocking in at 2:33 is right in the middle of the pack. The sheer length of the song is the most dangerous aspect. People will be moving, people will be singing along, and we will have our head on a swivel. Every song from here on out has an element of danger, and we aren’t sure how slippery the venue floor will be, but we aren’t ruling out a bruised tailbone if we slip on some spilled beer.
7. “Don’t Touch Me”
The intro will get a circle pit started and we will be compelled to join. But we aren’t dumb, the safest part of a circle pit is in the center. We will stand there, trying to pretend we aren’t fatigued from being pushed around. We don’t want anyone to see our lower back is on fire, we are just going to point our finger and sing along and hope the circle pit doesn’t collapse in on us.
6. Secret Track
According to Wikipedia, and basically nowhere else, this secret song is called “In the Land of Lawmen and Lawwomen” and the reason it isn’t ranked higher is the fact most people never took the time to skip to the hidden track so it will seem unfamiliar. It’s a rager, people will want to go nuts, but also Ceremony has been playing for nearly 30 minutes at this point. Everyone is going to be tired and thinking “This was fun, I should go to more shows” and then think “But staying home is so much easier.” (Skip to the 8-minute mark)
5. “M.C.D.F.”
Everyone is having “fun” now. Singing along, going nuts, trying our best to remember the lyrics. And you know everyone even started studying for the show by listening to the album on repeat a few times as a refresher. There is a great chance someone runs across the pit and dives at our knees during this song, which sucks, because ours knees were already hurting because of the walk from the parking lot.
4. “Nigh to Life”
If this song was earlier in the setlist it would be ranked even higher. But it comes right after two other absolute gems that are guaranteed to cause bodily harm. By the time we get to “Nigh to Life” people might need a breather, but we also might have well-rested people subbing in. Either way, we have a water bottle taped to both of our legs because we aren’t going to risk getting dehydrated and passing out now.
3. “All the Time”
We are not looking forward to this song. We are getting late in the set, if we are still healthy at this point then we are spitting in God’s eye by remaining active in the pit. This is the song where the husky stage potato finally sprouts legs and decides to come out of stage dive retirement and of course, he will land directly on us, it always happens.
2. “The Pathos”
This song is classic Ceremony. Angry, fast, and then it has the part in the middle where everything slows down. People will be hurt. That’s as close to a breakdown as Ceremony will allow. Before this song begins we’ll be dialing 911 on our phone, and within 15 seconds we are sure an ambulance will need to be dispatched to help us.
1. “Sick”
This song actually breaks the rules because it’s nearly 3-minutes long, it’s the first real song on the album, and everyone in attendance might be too injured to continue watching the band play. As soon as the vocals hit everyone will come alive to sing along about things they are sick of. By the time this is over we will be nursing multiple bruised ribs and wishing we were 25 again. (Skip to :40)
Go order your copy of “Rohnert Park” from our store, limited to 300 on this EXCLUSIVE orange vinyl you won’t find anywhere else:
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