Imagine if you will: a cold, unfeeling machine with a badge and a gun. A law enforcement automaton incapable of reason or compromise. Driven by…
MACON, Ga. — Local Civil War reenactor, blogger, and aspiring mass shooter Randolph Cunningham was forced to go door to door yesterday to find victims…
Having an appreciation for Metallica’s later work is like robbing a convenience store; most people look down on it, but the few that don’t find…
COSTA MESA, Calif. — Local indie band TunnelFuzz are facing criminal charges today, and are officially banned from all Orange County venues after allegedly dosing…
If you are looking for the spark that will ignite the flame of incel revolution, look elsewhere. When I bought my ticket to see “Joker”…
ODESSA, Texas — Local man Grant Hopkins informed his friend group today that he can’t make it to this mass shooting, but, statistically speaking, he…
INDIANAPOLIS — A local jazz drummer’s rant last night about stereotypical death metal band names, using only morbid phrases and references to physical violence, reportedly…
DAYTON, Ohio — The United States of America was embarrassed to admit it accidentally double-booked two mass shootings within 24 hours of each other, sources…
BIRMINGHAM, Ala. — Local cop and amateur wrestler Casper “Cooter” Jones, who has struggled with a violent past, present and likely future, arrived at the…
BOSTON — Longtime scene veteran Tom Williams wistfully pined yesterday for his scene’s bygone era that featured rampant, unprovoked stabbings, lamenting the decreasing rate of…
He’s the most elusive and successful street artist of all time. He’s been able to sell paintings for millions, open his own satirical theme park…
FAIRVIEW, Kan. — Local mother Deanna Jones dropped off her eldest son Jason in the parking circle of Fairview High School this morning for the…
NEW YORK — Rapper and television personality Action “Mr. Wonderful” Bronson was brutally murdered on the streets of Queens last night during a long and…
OOh shit, you guys I really need your advice here. I just punched this Nazi in a bar and HE’S STILL STANDING. I have absolutely…
Oh, OK. So apparently I’m the only one here who truly cares about the success of this band. Because from my point of view, all…