PHILADELPHIA — Local birdwatcher and ornithology enthusiast Sam Greer watched approximately half of the classic 1970s John Waters film “Pink Flamingos” before reaching the conclusion…
MINNEAPOLIS — Unvaccinated couple Chris and Hannah Davidson excitedly shared the results of their latest COVID tests at a massive variant reveal party with family…
WHITEFISH, Mont. — An inclusive punk scene was applauded for acts of bravery late yesterday evening after members openly welcomed a second white woman to…
Jacksonville, Fla. — Local part-time dad Deryk Hoyt was disappointed by how far from completion his half-sleeve was after spending his Child Tax Credit at…
WASHINGTON — Centrist Democrats across the country expressed relief at seeing President Joe Biden dehumanize refugees with more decorum than his predecessor, sources reported. “After…
BELLEFONTE, Pa. — A customer at Quik Cuts Barber Shop cast an aching stare at a neighboring silent barber/customer pair while having his hair, and…
BOSTON — Local 39-year-old Tool fan Mark Gibson spent his entire shift last Wednesday angry at the fact that a genius of his magnitude was…
RICHMOND, Va. — An exhaustive report from the Pew Research Center on the local scene made waves Wednesday as it confirmed every single former scene…
FOREST PARK, Ill. — Local woman in her mid-30s Laura McMann was carded again late yesterday evening when attempting to buy alcohol after her hormonal…
SAN FRANCISCO — New COVID-19 mutation the Gamma Variant garnered attention with a cryptic tweet telling followers it had “big” plans for fall and winter,…
ASTORIA, Ore. — Local man Bart Donaghue attempted to break a curse that resulted in Chumbawamba’s “Tubthumping” being stuck in his head by getting the…
HOMESTEAD, Iowa — 32-year-old big city girl Vikki Rue reluctantly entered an intense but brief romance with local inn-keeper Ian Bridges that immediately ended once…
TUCSON, Ariz. — 30-year-old Joann Kim suffered a three-day hangover after walking by the liquor aisle at her local grocery store, solemn sources confirmed. “I…
ATLANTA — Local punk Rodney Tobleson reportedly stood completely still with arms crossed in the middle of the pit during a recent Wailing Anus show…
LANSING, Mich. — 14-year-old goth Sarah Marpa suffered a series of horrendous nightmares after watching lighthearted rom-com “The Wedding Singer” with her parents, confused family…