COMMON BEAGLE SMALL INTESTINE — Health authorities called upon legendary white blood cell police officer Osmosis Jones to come out of retirement and help as…
ALBUQUERQUE, N.M. — Brad Harris, a first time house show promoter, triple checked to make sure the only toilet at his debut DIY gig was…
Never let the government tell you what you can and cannot do. That’s what punk rock is for. In fact, I learned everything I know…
ST. LOUIS — The St. Louis Metropolitan Police Department was forced to relocate one of their foosball tables from what was previously the breakroom of…
LOS ANGELES — Hollywood A-lister Mark Wahlberg is researching a new role as a police officer in upcoming thriller “Crown Victoria” by having already committed…
We’ve all been there. You’re blasting Mötley Crüe’s greatest hits while cruising at 80 mph through a school zone when some nosy State trooper decides…
CENTRALIA, Wash. — Local patriot Rick Staler is concerned that the size of the flags mounted in the bed of his Dodge Ram 1500 may…
HARRISONBURG, Va. — Lifelong fan of outlaw country music Chris Harper is also a fervent supporter of law enforcement in all its forms, going as…
Cops fucking suck. There isn’t anything new with that statement. But at least the douchebaggery that pigs dish out is on a linear plane of…
Well lookie what we have here. The Mystery Machine and its group of do-gooders. Running around, looking at clues, and chasing supposed “monsters.” It’s time…
NEW YORK — A mercenary team of ex-special forces, KGB, and other trained combatants attempting to take an entire gala event hostage were single-handedly defeated…
STUDIO CITY, Calif. — Popular game show “Jeopardy!” ceased filming mid-episode last week when contestant and off-duty police officer Jamie Boyd shot up the studio…
CHICAGO — Cadets of the Chicago Police Academy were reminded of the exhausting six weeks of training they endured in order to become full-fledged police…
FREEHOLD, N.J. — Local mall security guard Corey Knightly was in shock after a known ‘Blue Lives Matter’ proponent tore into him for 20 minutes…
In America, police officers kill about 1,100 citizens per year — roughly 30 times that of the next leading nation. Every time the cops kill…