GLEN BURNIE, Md. — Local punk Cris Martinson was recently honored by Forbes Magazine in their annual “30 People over 30 Who Need to Get…
BRIDGEPORT, Conn. — Heavy Metal Archaeologists remain locked in fierce debate over who erected a pyramid of Coors Light cans that was recently excavated from…
Hey, pothead! That’s right you lazy stoner. So you failed to launch? Big fucking deal. You’re back with your folks and spending all your time…
DENVER — Local woman Caitlin Baker recently celebrated her fully vaccinated status by dropping her dating standards to an all-time low, concerned friends and family…
BROOKLYN, N.Y. — A limited-capacity show yesterday evening drew a crowd twice as large as local band Jolly Bean Chili Greens has ever seen in…
DALLAS — Local white man Darrell Hargrove raised alarm bells yesterday after a traffic incident led experts to believe his mugshot may soon appear on…
SAN FRANCISCO — After liking, sharing, and commenting on his posts, it looks like your “new friend” from last week’s virtual open mic Chris Hardny…
ST. LOUIS — Local man who is living with functional depression, Dan Sousa, surprised exactly no one after it was learned that he can’t even…
CHICAGO — Local data analyst Jeanie Alvarez joined his coworker for a ride in her car last week, leaving him with an unexpected, everlasting feeling…
CINCINNATI — Sidney Frogus, the longtime merch guy for the band HorseBird, was demoted earlier this week to being the band’s bassist after his latest…
UNITED STATES — A gathering of townies from across the country is expected to begin at around 5 p.m. today and end sometime before the…
SIOUX FALLS, S.D. — Cool landlord and champion of the working man Jenny Holmes is allegedly only asking for references, proof of employment, and a…
LOS GATOS, Calif. — The remaining members of the outspoken nü-metal band Trapt are seeking an ill-informed bigot with cursory drumming ability to replace their…
SAN FRANCISCO — Members of local punk band Loogie Howser are eager to return to their bustling itinerary of playing nearly three shows a year,…
KINGS PARK, N.Y. — 41-year-old Pantera megafan Ray “Nickelbag” Shipley is still enrolled in 11th grade at Kings Park High School, as well as nightly…