ATLANTA — Fate Embrace merch guy Edgar Byrd stood aimlessly behind his kitchen table for hours earlier this week in an attempt to work from…
NEW YORK — Local man Bryan Watson spent his 28th birthday last week quarantined from friends and family due to the COVID-19 pandemic, but didn’t…
LOS ANGELES — Social media website MySpace announced today it will require their singular employee to work from home during the COVID-19 pandemic, according to…
BOSTON — Local woman Farrah Johanson assured anyone who would listen yet again today that she is masturbating just as much as her male friends…
CHICAGO — Local punk Allen Prestigiacomo is now unemployed from home, thanks to Illinois Governor J.B. Pritzker’s decree forcing bars and dine-in restaurants to close…
LOS ANGELES — Tired, aging 31-year-old punk David Kresner was relieved when police arrived at a record release show last night, prematurely ending the concert…
ROCK FALLS, Iowa — Punk ghost Beau Brinkles is hopeful that this year will be the one in which he finally escapes the small hometown…
YONKERS, N.Y. — Local man Patrick Murphy’s childhood sock puppet is in for an experience never imagined possible later today after the 28-year-old stumbled upon…
ALAMEDA, Calif. — Local punk venue The Frick House installed depressed tenant Adam Gould on their couch yesterday, with full access to multiple streaming services,…
CHICAGO — Local woman and very loud porn watcher when she thinks she’s alone Amy Fritz realized late this afternoon that her roommate had actually…
Owning a home is an immense responsibility, especially in an economy still recovering from last decade’s housing market crash. As a homeowner myself, I can…
CHICAGO –– The guttural moans and profanity-laden shrieks emanating from the birthing tub of Kia Armetto “really added a certain something” to a DIY basement…
SANTA CRUZ, Calif. — 24-year-old Jonathan Warner chained himself to his Macbook Pro earlier this week to protest “everything that’s going on in the world,”…
HOMETOWN, Ill. — After hearing you forgot to pack your earbuds for a recent trip home, the crusty, old pair of headphones you left in…
ROCHESTER, N.Y. — Lakewood Insurance employee Derrick Glover reportedly called his boss this morning to ask (since he can really do everything he does in…