ALBANY, N.Y. — Local metalcore band The Demise of Saturn asked scumbag show promoter Steve “Froggy” Fordham to abandon traditional currency and begin ripping them…
SALISBURY, Md. — Jim Perdue, the reclusive and quirky chairman of Perdue Farms, hid five golden tickets to tour his slaughterhouse in random chicken breasts…
ORLEANS, Mass. — Local tattoo enthusiast Danny Lipinski’s latest tattoo depicting the cast of “Friends” engaged in a pansexual orgy is being described as “an…
SACRAMENTO, Calif. — Local mother Meredith Ashby displayed a performative expression of surprise and intrigue at a neighborhood cookout yesterday afternoon after reaching into the…
ANN ARBOR, Mich. – Local teenager Valerie Booth reluctantly made the choice to be goth after reviewing her wardrobe consisting entirely of black hand-me-down clothes…
ST. LOUIS — Audience members were upset at a local punk show last night when touring band Metallicunt revealed themselves to have a token girl…
DENVER — Local cryptocurrency trader, Evan Silver, pushed the limits of the definition of ‘friend’ when discussing a current relationship in which he was “put…
PHOENIX — Aging members of local metal band Toxins in the Bloodstream are deep in a spiraling debate about whether they should go all-in with…
SPOKANE, Wash. — Local kinksters Justin Lentz and Carly Melhado added a new wrinkle to their sexual routine early yesterday evening by pretending to actually…
LANCASTER, N.H. — A local historian of punk rock recently unearthed incontrovertible evidence that GG Allin’s full name was actually Gilmore Girls Allin, sources who…
BOSTON — Recent Northeastern University alumni James Gillen is aggressively spreading awareness of the atrocities committed by Christopher Columbus to his friends, confirmed sources who…
PIGEON FORGE, Tenn. — Local mother Julia Smith assumes that her completely asexual daughter Andrea is actually a lesbian who has yet to find the…
BOSTON — A new documentary about the city’s notoriously tough hardcore scene is mostly 90 minutes of incriminating evidence, multiple law enforcement officers confirm. “I…
EUREKA, Calif. — A squirrel rapidly burying nuts in the ground in preparation for the winter is now better prepared for retirement than one local…
FALL RIVER, Mass. — A centuries-old apparition roaming the innards of an 1800’s New England heritage property “must be someone else’s friend,” reports every one…