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Everyone in Punk House Assumes Ghost is Someone’s Friend

FALL RIVER, Mass. — A centuries-old apparition roaming the innards of an 1800’s New England heritage property “must be someone else’s friend,” reports every one of the 13 punks currently living there.

“I got this place after some uncle of mine croaked,” said Shelly “Skud” Roberts, owner of the 200+-year-old sprawling mansion tucked into the trees on the edge of a dark, dense forest. “The only catch was that I had to stay one night inside the place? Fuckin easy! We brought a generator down into this tunnel we found under the basement and had a slick little rave setup. I must’ve been up for 30 hours before it dawned on me ‘Shit, dude! I own a house now!’ That’s when this super hipster girl started hanging around, I figured it was Jeff’s buddy.”

A woman has been described to have been wandering the halls of the estate by dozens of people over the years, many speculate her to be the ghost of a “loose woman” who disappeared near the home in 1889.

“She’s not my buddy, I thought she was one of the girls hanging around with Kenzie,” said roommate Jeff Gagnon, putting another pan into the sink “to soak.” “She always has a couple normies hanging around who seem to be in love with her. This chick’s always pacing outside her room checking her pocket watch and looking at me with sheer horror on her face before crying and shuffling off down the hall. Really par for the course with these fools she brings around.”

While many in the household are slightly irked by the ghost’s presence, some have found an appreciation for her.

“Yeah, that girl’s cool as shit,” said noise musician Skye Cela, absentmindedly passing a magnet over a ball of tangled audio tape. “She just hangs out on the fourth floor being all moody and shit. Dope aesthetic. I can’t say I’ve talked to her though, I figured she was coming through with some touring band since she’s always looming around the bathroom. She leaves the floor all sticky but that’s only actually like, the fifth-worst thing that someone’s done in there, so no worries.”

At press time the semi-transparent presence was said to have been standing in the highest attic window staring menacingly down on a three-banjo jam session on the front porch.