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Band Has Token Girl Drummer, Girl Bassist, Girl Guitarist, and Girl Singer

ST. LOUIS — Audience members were upset at a local punk show last night when touring band Metallicunt revealed themselves to have a token girl drummer, bassist, guitarist, and lead singer.

“It’s just so blatantly a diversity and ‘quirkiness’ thing and frankly, I’m sick of it,” said audience member and self-proclaimed “male feminist” Rick Braun. “I hate it when a band clearly thinks it’s cool to have a girl member, and I don’t care that they all are founding members of the band and are very talented musicians, I just think that they all diversity-hired each other. Having all women in the band like that made it hard for me to tell who was the bassist and who was the singer. I definitely will not be supporting.”

The show’s producer Michael Shanley commented about how his role has changed given the band’s lineup.

“It has been a real trouble dealing with four girls all in one band,” Shanley said. “For starters, I couldn’t for the life of me figure out which one to sexualize. Furthermore, none of them said they were playing exclusively the tambourine during soundcheck, so that was another issue. Audiences just hate when there’s one token girl member, so four token girl members makes my job very difficult. Sure, they may have it pretty bad, but people neglect to consider how this affects me, and I think that’s not very fair.”

Industry insider Jack Mayfair spoke out in favor of the band and condemned the criticism the band was receiving.

“All this sexism is making me sick,” Mayfair said. “I strongly think it’s a great thing when something has a token woman, it really covers our ass. I, for one, think it is past time we had a token woman in the White House. Not as president, per se, but just in the building. How magnificent that would be. This band rocks, and their gender shouldn’t matter. But since it does, I’m a hero for enjoying them.”

At press time, not a single woman was interviewed about this event, but nobody saw that as being part of the problem.