HAMPTON, Va. — Some stupid-ass bitch with her head up her ass who cut me off coming down Jefferson just pulled into the animal shelter…
WORCESTER, Mass. — Punk and self-described “downfall of the establishment” Lyle Ponsinon recently made the decision to focus on ensuring the collapse of small, local…
HOBOKEN, N.J. — The members of local emo band Featherhoof were reportedly overwhelmed with gratitude when longtime fan and friend David Ketwaller remarked that they…
ST. LOUIS — Audience members were upset at a local punk show last night when touring band Metallicunt revealed themselves to have a token girl…
SCHAUMBURG, Ill. — Twice divorced Uncle Mike Dilmer became outraged beyond comprehension due to the mere existence of Tofurky at his extended family’s Thanksgiving celebration,…
HUMPTULIPS, Wash. — Local “rise and grinder” Jake Munchen is reportedly trying to break into the venue security career field by practicing crossing his arms…
DULUTH, Minn. — Professional sound technician Greg Thornton released an exasperated and rambling statement confirming that he also doesn’t understand why his presence would be…
LAS CRUCES, N.M — Several local teens mocking adult man Terry Rothstein at the Mesilla Valley Mall have inadvertently caused him to work to improve…
MINNEAPOLIS — Bar staff everywhere are rejoicing as Semisonic penned a long-awaited follow-up to their 1998 single “Closing Time” entitled “Seriously, Get the Fuck Out,…
PINOLE, Calif. — Emergency Medical responders arrived at the site of a psychiatric distress call late Wednesday to find Sheriff’s Deputies already wildly firing their…
LOS ANGELES – Blink-182’s virtuoso drummer, Travis Barker, shed a singular tear upon hearing that upstart pop-punk band Girlsack released their first single “Get Sniffed”…
WASHINGTON — Local mom Melissa Weir traveled to the Capitol this week to confront Frances Haugen, the Facebook whistleblower, demanding to know why the eating…
Punk Makes Uneasy Truce With Security Guy as Only Two People Left In Office Building Who Still Smoke
Punk Makes Uneasy Truce With Security Guy as Only Two People Left In Office Building Who Still Smoke
SPOKANE, Wash. — Office punk Kory Strawser recently formed a tepid peace with the security guard at her day job when both came to the…
NEW YORK — Masked poser Cecilia Munoz was relieved she didn’t have to pretend to know the words at a recent Turnstile show last Thursday…
TOMS RIVER, N.J. — Middle-schooler Gavin Dirnt caught up on the beloved HBO series “The Sopranos” by watching his Italian friend’s parents fight over the…