I may not know much, and probably even less so now after that eleventh Jager bomb, but the one thing I know for sure is…
I’d like to apologize to every single person who attended my surprise intervention. Had I known it was happening I would’ve brought a 30-pack and…
NEW HAVEN, Conn. — Local man Trevor Good blamed his morning coffee habit for the constant nervous chatter in his head and anxious feeling in…
Ugh. Give us a second. Just a second. Our fucking head. This fucking sucks. Why did we think it would be a good idea to…
Okay so this is all still a bit strange, and frankly we’re still very hungover, but let us give you a little bit of background…
CHICAGO — Local man Shaun Clemens is reportedly planning to spend St. Patrick’s Day in his usual leprechaun costume, drinking alone in his room this…
BIRMINGHAM, Ala. — Local Pantera fan Blane Butts referred to another customer at Ingles Supermarket as an “intellectual” yesterday in an apparent attempt to insult…
WARRINGTON, Pa. — Local man and guy who “maybe enjoys an occasional drink, no big deal” Dennis Walsh realized yesterday that alcoholism is the only…
GOLDEN, Colo. — Legendary metal band Pantera announced today a collaboration with Coors Brewing Company to bring their fans a new box set in the…
LOS ANGELES — Local punk Dylan Alan filled a rinsed-out and drying Diva Cup full of vodka last night during a particularly sloppy bout of…
PATCHOGUE, N.Y. — Local inebriated man Kevin Donaghue drank a few sips of water before bed moments ago in an effort to dilute the many…
Oh man, I shouldn’t have done that last Jaegerbomb. Or the seven before that one. Or those eleven Heinekens afterward. Shit. How did I even…
SAN FRANCISCO — Local woman Amber Stevens is looking forward to a return of her favorite pastime of crying outside of bars again once coronavirus…
SOCORRO, N.M. — A long-forgotten 10-quart pot filled with vegan chili was officially rebranded into a fully-functional composting toilet following the consumption of a box…
HILL VALLEY, Calif. — Marty McFly admitted today that he now mostly uses his time machine to go back in 12-hour intervals and stop himself…