Alright, bigshot. I get it; you just wanted to go out and have a nice time with your friends, but something about this establishment rubbed…
TORRANCE, Calif. — Longtime punk and father Al Diaz thoroughly interrogated his teenage daughter’s new boyfriend last night about which five Black Flag songs are…
ATLANTA — 17-year-old Fumiko Ishioka startled audience members at a hardcore show last night, standing motionless in the center of the mosh pit while wearing…
ASHEVILLE, N.C. — A Tinder date at O’Donnelley’s Pub Tuesday evening was reportedly almost too short for a local man to describe every variety of…
BHIMBETKA, Bhopal — The discovery earlier this week of primitive drawings left on walls by Neanderthals confirmed one of science’s longest held, unproven beliefs: that…
The liberal media would have you believe that the classic Christmas Song Baby It’s Cold Outside is offensive. They want you to think that it’s…
I am not calling you a liar, I am just saying that is not what my older brother told me and he knows what he…
SAN DIEGO — Local alcoholic Jerry Tatum announced plans to somehow ruin his niece’s wedding later tonight with his drunk and disorderly antics, despite the…
TUCSON, Ariz. — Local music critic and Spotify free user Jill Nesbitt named “Get in the Zone – Autozone” as the best song of 2018…
BERKELEY, Calif. — Bay Area punk band The Guts have released their most influential material since their inception 10 years ago: an online review of…
I sit silently in my self-built blind, made of mud and twigs; the forest is silent save for the gentle click of the rain on…
A study out of Park High School in central Indiana shows that 9 out of 10 teens splitting a case of Coors stolen from Greg’s…
FORT COLLINS, Colo. — Tortured Metaphor merch guy and badass road-warrior Todd Sanderson was quite clear last night that he has no authority whatsoever to…
VISTA, Calif. — The discovery of a 19th use for Dr. Bronner’s All-One hemp castile soap has members of the company going absolutely mad with…
Like me, you’ve probably been told that millennials are too busy vaping, eating ass, and razing entire industries to the ground and salting the earth…