NORTH POLE — Santa Claus shocked Christmas enthusiasts worldwide today by launching a Patreon campaign to fund his 2018 world tour, setting off speculation about…
If you celebrate the Christmas holiday chances are that at some point this December you have watched A Christmas Story, Frosty The Snowman and Eyes…
First they they came for ‘Baby, It’s Cold Outside,’ and I said nothing. Then they came for ‘I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus’ and I…
ROCKFORD, Ill. — Chicago punk Robbie Kaplan called attendees of last weekend’s Levin-Brady wedding ‘whiny posers’ and ‘crybabies’ as he was forcibly removed for repeated…
ONEONTA, N.Y. — Patrons at punk venue The Station report that the only functioning fixture in the entire bathroom is local coke dealer Reese Wicker,…
PALO ALTO, Calif. — Local resident Paul Weber’s latest resolution to live healthier and save the environment lasted approximately 26 minutes this morning, covering a…
I think of myself as a pretty generous guy, empathetic to the plight of my fellow man. So you can imagine my disgust when I…
MINOCQUA, Wis. — 80-year-old retiree Mary Costa unveiled the newest addition to her famed model Christmas village this week: an ornately detailed miniature punk venue,…
RICHMOND, Va. — Members of local hardcore band Without Dignity are doggedly working out the logistics of their first tour, consisting of two shows in…
Dear Scabby: I am narcoleptic. It really affects any sort of productivity. A doctor once prescribed me an upper to help it. It helps a…
Never meet your heroes. Everyone seems to have a story about an awful encounter with a celebrity, but I have always given a person of…
It is becoming frighteningly clear to me that America has become the dystopia that modern-day prophet Roy Orbison warned us about. The Big O spent…
HUNTINGTON BEACH, Calif. — A chain wallet used in a post-show assault in 2011 is allegedly having “the time of its life” awaiting trial as…
WASHINGTON — President Donald Trump boasted that post-shooting vigil candle sales have been “way up” under his administration, during a press conference held yesterday touting…
Hey guys! Good to meet all of you before the show. Let me just start by saying I think your bands are the best in…