MARION, Ill. — Local nurse Ginnie Strathmore assured her friend Katie Nguyen this morning that the hacked-up, DIY haircut she gave herself around 2:45 a.m.…
Conspiracy theories are more popular than ever, and their success can be boiled down to one basic ingredient: ominous, distorted bass notes mixed perfectly underneath…
PITTSBURGH — Local man Samuel Burke was reportedly unsure when to name drop heavy metal band Sepultura to the tow truck operator who hauled Burke’s…
LOS ANGELES — Former child star Mary-Kate Olsen recounted yesterday her experience meeting her doppelgänger and “Full House” co-star Ashley Olsen during the filming of…
NEWINGTON, Conn. — Diligently safety-conscious man James Sadler is staying vigilant about social distancing practices, unless his recent Tinder match is interested in going over…
At The Hard Times we feel it’s important to occasionally leave our comfort zone to seek out new places, cultures, and scenes. That’s why we…
SEATTLE — Local punk Kyle Treacher has entered his third year of trying to break in a pair of Doc Martens, struggling to stave off…
OUTLANDIA — Dastardly cartoon villain and sorcerer born of hellfire Kindfresser is still somehow completely P.C. despite his abhorrent, wicked nature, according to reports from…
TORONTO — Local well-known-for-having-a-beard guy Will Hoover has finally invested in a hat after being asked to shave for a family gathering, according to sources.…
MINNEAPOLIS — Members of the Minneapolis Police Department disbanded yesterday to focus on their individual violent side projects, citing creative differences within the force and…
COLORADO SPRINGS, Colo. — Local Instagram personality and three-year-old Pomeranian JuJu shared today a sprawling, 600-word post in which she admitted to barking at African-Americans…
CHICAGO — A severely cracked drumstick’s condition improved yesterday from “Broken” to “Least Broken” following a set of Slayer songs that ravaged a local drumstick…
CHICAGO — Local woman Bethany Cordova has already spent her non-existent, second potential $1200 government stimulus check after hearing that more economic relief money may…
MIAMI — Protestors gathered for yesterday’s “All Lives Matter” rally quickly realized that they all already knew each other thanks to last year’s “Pro-Death Penalty”…
LOS ANGELES — As the promise of “six seasons and a movie” finally comes to fruition, producers of the upcoming “Community” feature film vowed today…