MIAMI — Local holiday and generally despised time of the year, Valentine’s Day, is determined to absolutely destroy one of the few relationships that’s somehow…
It’s fine. I am telling you it’s fine. If it will make you feel better I will already do it first. I mean I haven’t…
ST. LOUIS — Local man Brian Dorney’s Valentine’s Day preparations allegedly revolve exclusively around convincing his girlfriend that 1988 classic action movie “Die Hard” is…
UNKNOWN — Survivors of Icelandair Flight 198, which crashed somewhere deep in the Arctic tundra last week, lauded vegan survivor Michael Hagen’s unwillingness to sacrifice…
Well, this is frustrating. I’m trying to leave a comment indicating that I think this Primus video sucks, but these idiots replying are taking it…
FAYETTEVILLE, Ark. — Aging punk and generally anxious person in a Misfits T-shirt Hollie Wallace parked super far away from teenagers hanging out at a…
No band associated with the riot grrrl movement found more popularity in the mainstream than Sleater-Kinney. And no haircut says “Sleater-Kinney is a Top 3…
BETHESDA, Md. — “Duplicitous catfisher” and clearly regular homo sapien Colleen Jansen disappointed prospective love match Dominic Sabatino yesterday after proclaiming to be a “horse…
I’m a simple man. Too simple, arguably. My life is all about family, church, and baseball. Gosh, I love baseball. It’s been my dream to…
HENDERSON, Nev. — Local punk Vince Cannon applauded the proposed raising of the minimum wage to $15 an hour, as it will help him achieve…
LOS ANGELES — Local trans woman Ruby Aldorff posted a picture of herself eating a hotdog on Instagram yesterday, desperate for anyone to not have…
Have you seen the list of endangered species lately? My god, it’s like a zoo. Some of these animals clearly need to straighten up if…
WARREN, Mich. — Millennial Jamie Thorpe suffered a retail-induced panic attack yesterday after hearing several beloved bands from her youth as background music at a…
ASHEVILLE, N.C. — Self-proclaimed sapiosexual man Chad Manning reportedly finds himself attracted to or aroused by intelligent and well-informed women, but only if their opinions…
Opinion: Whether I’m Right or Not, You Have To Admit I Am Very Mean
Hey dude, how’s it going? Just wanted to say no hard feelings about the other day. That comment thread got pretty heated, aha. You said…