WILMINGTON, Del. — Roommates Manny Hernandez and Rob McCarty spent their first weekend together laying the ground rules for their new home, flipping a coin to decide who must be the daddy and who will be the mommy.
“Communication is key. So right away we decided how we’d handle utilities, protocol for if one of us brings a girl back, and, of course, which one of us will be mommy that handles all the cooking and cleaning, and which one will be the daddy that makes the money and plunges the toilet and stuff,” said Hernandez. “Believe it or not, this is the first time either of us have been away from our parents, so we’re trying to be real mature and fair by flipping a coin. I’m pissed I got ‘mommy’ — I can’t cook for shit and I look terrible in a housecoat — but I’ll make it work, for the good of the household.”
Mutual friend Aisha White was immediately confused by the roommate’s domestic agreement.
“I was excited to see Rob and Manny’s new place, but I was pretty freaked out by their….traditional living arrangement,” said White. “Manny had his hair in curlers and he told me he had a ‘meatloaf in the oven,’ but best I could tell it was just a bag of frozen Gardein fake meat balls dumped into a baking pan. Then Rob barges in the front door with a briefcase, muttering something about ‘Old Man Sorely at the plant busting his hump.’ But I know for a fact that Rob doesn’t have a job, because this afternoon at my place we played Madden for like, three hours before he napped on my couch.”
Although unusual, sociologist Arielle Gibbons believes this sort of cohabitation is common.
“Now more than ever, young adults are moving out without ever being taught valuable life skills by their parents. So, Gen Z has attempted to fill the void by employing whatever lessons they could from their true parent: television,” said Gibbons. “But while I admire their resiliency, I must stress that acting out the plots of ‘Family Matters’ episodes does not make you a grown-up.”
The new roommates are allegedly discussing retooling their living arrangement by either adding a zany next door neighbor, or pretending to be women and attending an all-girls college.