“Ocean’s Eleven” is a 2001 heist classic starring George Clooney as the wry and charismatic Danny Ocean, who leads a team of thieves, each with…
NORTH HALEDON, N.J. — Local failure Max Kugler was reportedly sighted practicing his ollies at the Haledon Skate Park on Saturday night in a last-ditch…
David Bowie re-wrote the book on what it means to be a pop icon. Through his era-defining characters and alter egos, he was able to…
HARTFORD, Conn. — Local punk and 31-year-old adult man Kenny Whalen remains blissfully unaware that he is the Whalen family’s cautionary tale, concerned sources confirmed.…
I can’t help but laugh at how hypocritical this country is. Everywhere I turn I see people saluting Aron Ralston as a hero, just because…
DALLAS — Local sleep paralysis demon and archetypical projection of humanity’s deepest fears, Edgar, was frightened away from a routine haunting after spotting a Buckcherry…
For better or worse, the origins of punk rock will forever be intrinsically tied to the practice of huffing glue. For some in our subculture…
ATLANTA — Bass players across the country are the only adults over the age of 16 who are not currently eligible for vaccinations, with the…
HADDONFIELD, Ill. — Serial killer and supernatural force of pure evil Michael Myers insists upon wearing three layers of face masks even after receiving the…
SEATTLE — Local cat owner Robbie Kratchiz admitted yesterday that his cat tree was the most expensive piece of furniture in his entire apartment, sources…
Everyone knows it’s hard being a teen. Between school and acne, being a teenager in America is almost as hard as being a pre-teen in…
DETROIT — Ted Nugent, bed-ridden from his recent COVID-19 diagnosis, called upon fellow Michigan far-right musician Kid Rock to discuss the apparent plan of succession…
MINNEAPOLIS — Former police officer and now-convicted murderer, Derek Chauvin, is reportedly upset that the most sacred day on his calendar, Hitler’s birthday, is tarnished…
AGOURA HILLS, Calif. — Your Grandpa, a lifelong stoner and de facto family historian, fondly recalled a time when you were “only this high,” you…
AMSTERDAM — Festive spirits are high in Holland today as the nation celebrates Fourten Twitzen, their version of 4/20 day, where children who refuse to…