My whole life, I just kept hearing, “You Geminis… I never know which one of you I’m gonna get! One minute you’re throwing the BBQ…
NACOGDOCHES, Texas — Local 34-year-old Mark Finn was unsuccessful in his attempts to woo a woman into meeting up no-strings for sexual intercourse by texting…
I’ve always dreamed of hanging out on a tour bus with the band that changed my life, and last weekend, my vision board worked! I…
BAYONNE, N.J. — Residents of local punk house The Dry Socket made the cost-cutting decision to switch to Kirkland Signature for household whippets after reevaluating…
Oh no, who told Matt? Someone obviously let it slip that his name means “Gift from God” because suddenly he has this whole story about…
LAKEWOOD, Colo. — Local man Sean Richard is already showing signs of severe infection while getting a stick and poke tattoo from a close friend…
You’ve already made up your mind about me. Just because I was born in 1949, you think I’m a helpless old woman in a big,…
FITCHBURG, Mass. — Local drummer Andrew Kingston is reportedly ecstatic after seeing the tremendous results that placing a tiny, stinky, old blanket inside of his…
CHICAGO — Liz Remis, a medical transcriptionist and three-year Chicago resident, voiced her horror at the thought of living in the suburbs in spite of…
Killeen, Texas natives Offenders were a hardcore outfit that would go on to become a staple of the underground Austin scene through the mid-80s. “Endless…
Dear black metal fans, this may come as a shock to many of you but I am not a Satanist. Despite my appearance and everything…
ELLENSBURG, Wash. — Members of local skiffle-punk revival band Rat Boy and The Cheese Police agreed to practice a song written by the group’s drummer,…
So you’re a thirtysomething with your shit somewhat together. You’ve grown up at least to the point of running your own life and you’re finally…
STONY BROOK, N.Y. — Lifelong socially anxious man Max Trembolt revealed to a group of friends that he was single and ready to mingle with…
As parents, we have to make sacrifices all the time. Any parent will tell you this. You can miss your kid’s first steps because you’re…