Whether you’re trying to class up your parents’ basement, a squat, or a humble street corner, there is no denying the sense of luxury a…
ANYTOWN, USA — Darrell “Sloppy” Jones, the wacky friend and outlandish next-door neighbor from teen sitcom “Janey and Joey,” reportedly only acts that way to…
Hey you! Yeah you, the gentrifying piece of shit driving around in that planet-destroying truck. Hey, I’ve got an idea. You should get in that…
CHARLOTTESVILLE, Va. — Members of Dave Matthews Band not named Dave Matthews got together yesterday to request a name change in order to be more…
GARDEN CITY, N.Y. — Donna Morgan’s second ear lobe piercings, obtained at a Claire’s in the Roosevelt Field Mall 13 years ago, asked Morgan’s younger,…
First of all, I just want to say to all my friends and family, thank you for your concern. I really appreciate it but I’m…
HOBOKEN, N.J. — Local nonbeliever and Bon Jovi fan Tami Clarkson has been mentally cruising through unemployment solely by the quotes and wisdom of atheist…
CAMBRIDGE, Mass. — A new report from The Institute of Nostalgia Studies found evidence that the classic ‘90s “X-Men” animated series doesn’t have the same…
WASHINGTON — President Biden urged American citizens to peacefully allow law enforcement to continue murdering them following a spike in shootings of unarmed Black people…
So we ran into the guy from Smash Mouth on our lunch break while in line at Shake Shack. No big deal, right? That’s what…
LOS ANGELES — Acoustic guitarist Harry “Wild Child” Kearns caused a mass evacuation from a local vaccine site with his terrible acoustic renditions of pop…
My neighbor has a lawn gnome whose shadow lands on my property. Needless to say, I’ve been researching hitmen on the dark web for the…