MODESTO, Calif. — Local bachelor Lou Charksville admitted that he can’t be himself around his new exceptionally lifelike sex doll which is far too out…
Art is the most important part of my life and, dare I say, the entire existence of the world and everyone in it. There is…
BEMIDJI, Minn. — A well-worn Danzig shirt owned by middle-aged metalhead Kyle Russo narrowly avoided being donated to Goodwill with a collection of old DVDs,…
PERRYSBURG, Ohio — A recent posting of singer/songwriter Dan Sheen’s Bandcamp link has silenced his local friend group chat despite being requested, sources close to…
Let’s face it, you are special. Your mom knows it, you know it, and you’re special. Call it the spark, the juice, the touch, call…
Republicans, rejoice! We’ve stumbled upon some extremely juicy intel regarding your second favorite Biden to shit on. Is it Hunter’s laptop, you ask? Not a…
CANASTOTA, N.Y — A rough-looking carnival worker sporting a Pantera shirt responsible for running a Ferris wheel made it certain he could give you and…
Life is full of little surprises, like finding a crumpled $20 in the wash, or a pregnancy scare. But this past weekend I got the…
ALBUQUERQUE, N.M. — Local parents Jean and Tom Decker finally decided it’s acceptable to let their middle-aged son watch that new Beavis and Butthead movie,…
KENOSHA, Wis. — The long-hunted serial murderer known only as The Kenosha Cannibal was pleasantly surprised he could still slip into the first suit he’d…
SYRACUSE, N.Y. — Local punk and administrative assistant Ross Taylor celebrated fifteen years at a job that he claims he only really keeps because of…
Person Who Has Never Seen “Star Wars” Not Saying That Because They Want You to Show Them “Star Wars”
Person Who Has Never Seen “Star Wars” Not Saying That Because They Want You to Show Them “Star Wars”
CARSON CITY, Nev. — Local graphic designer Sam Davis regretted ever mentioning that he’s never seen “Star Wars” after being inundated with offers by everyone…
BALTIMORE — Ferocious garage punk rockers Cigarettes Saved My Life challenged expectations by including a six-minute ballad at the end of their most recent album,…
It’s hard to believe that Alice In Chains’ iconic EP “Jar of Flies” is almost thirty-years-old. What’s even harder to believe, and to accept, is…
PHILO, Ohio — Local 8th grader and “true” punk Tim Krenalka reportedly knows his geography pretty well, but refuses to participate in any lesson which…