CHICAGO — Smashing Pumpkins frontman Billy Corgan made some coffee before launching into yet another day of writing 5-star reviews of his own works on…
HARTFORD, Conn. — Local punk and 31-year-old adult man Kenny Whalen remains blissfully unaware that he is the Whalen family’s cautionary tale, concerned sources confirmed.…
DALLAS — Local sleep paralysis demon and archetypical projection of humanity’s deepest fears, Edgar, was frightened away from a routine haunting after spotting a Buckcherry…
ATLANTA — Bass players across the country are the only adults over the age of 16 who are not currently eligible for vaccinations, with the…
Everyone knows it’s hard being a teen. Between school and acne, being a teenager in America is almost as hard as being a pre-teen in…
DETROIT — Ted Nugent, bed-ridden from his recent COVID-19 diagnosis, called upon fellow Michigan far-right musician Kid Rock to discuss the apparent plan of succession…
LONDON — Cartoon bassist for the virtual indie rock group Gorillaz, Murdoc Niccals, died of a cartoon heroin overdose Wednesday, a cartoon doctor wearing a…
KINGSTON FALLS, N.Y. — An ominous record store employee reportedly warned customers yesterday that the new Mogwai album should not be exposed to direct sunlight,…
It’s been a tough month. We found a mint first-press copy of Madonna’s “Like A Virgin” on eBay that we couldn’t pass up so we’re…
TOPEKA, Kan. — Self-proclaimed “world’s biggest Pearl Jam fan” Danica Young’s entire musical identity was stripped from her yesterday after discovering that her only CD…
So we were just sitting outside Cafe du Stefan in Jackson, Michigan waiting for our Americanos when a man who looked like he held Civil…
Every ’90s teen can recall a time when they blasted Everclear’s “Father of Mine” after a particularly contentious dispute with their dad regarding a purchase…
There comes a time in a man’s life in which he starts to wonder if he can ever truly be happy. No matter how much…
FORT MEADE, Md. — U.S. National Security Agent Dan Briggs mentally prepared himself for another four minutes of unadulterated sing-alongs today after watching Lynn Lozano…
TACOMA, Wash. — Terminal cancer patient Brenda Goff is planning to lay as still as possible after spotting U2’s annoyingly benevolent lead singer Bono haranguing…