Press "Enter" to skip to content

I Just Want Someone To Love Me Like a Weezer Fan Hates Weezer

To me, passion is the most important part of a relationship. At the beginning of a relationship, it’s passion that makes you feel on top of the world. If that passion fades, the relationship fades as well. We are all worthy of having that kind of passion in a relationship. Me specifically, though. That’s why I refuse to settle down until I find someone who loves me with the same passion that every single Weezer fan has for hating Weezer.

Self-love is important. But I already love myself as intensely as the Weezer fanbase hates Weezer, so now I’m seeking that validation from someone else.

For non-Weezer fans out there like me (I’m not a real fan, I only kinda dislike them), a relationship with no passion is similar to how we view Weezer’s discography. Sure, the other person seems great at first. Probably because they’re only showing you their good side. Pretty soon they start to let the cracks show, and you might find out they used to sext with a Japanese teen via snail mail. Sure, when you call them out on it, they may come crawling back with an attempted return to form, but pretty soon you realize every one of their guitar solos is just a recycled verse melody. Metaphorically speaking, of course.

Now, in most cases, this is where the relationship ends. The passion is gone, so no one is going to fight to keep this thing alive. But not for a Weezer fan. A Weezer fan has passion for hating Weezer. A Weezer fan doesn’t dismiss “Raditude.” They seethe over it with an obsession unlike any other. They will not leave this toxic relationship. They will stay in it until both parties die or release a passable non-cover single. That’s the kind of passion I want. But, ya know, non-toxic.

I hope we can all find the kind of passion I’m talking about here. I know I will. My journey has taken me far and wide, and I believe I’ve finally come to the place where I will meet the love of my life. So if anyone in this Weezer shitposting group lives within 40 miles of Cary, North Carolina, hit me up.